CODDLING OR CORRECTING

An often-quoted proverb on parenting now baffles many, in this age when corporal punishment is considered criminal.

"Spare the rod, and spoil the child." Many sages, through the ages, have uttered these words. What did this phrase originate?

Actually, this adage is rooted in the Old Testament of the Bible. It comes from the book of Proverbs: "He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes" (Proverbs 13:24, King James Version).

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

In ages past, unruly children were often struck with a rod as discipline at home or school. Often, a misbehaver was compelled to go outside and cut off a switch, or green branch, from a tree.

The child would then be instructed to bend over and endure the striking. The punishment might be meted out in the presence of the child's peers or in private. Often, a child might be escorted outside for discipline, as in a trip to the woodshed.

A caring parent might say, "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you," just as he or she begins to punish the child.

If an adult should fail to discipline a rebellious child, then that grownup would be seen as sparing the rod, rather than using it to correct the youngster. By overlooking the juvenile's misbehavior, that grownup might be seen as spoiling the child. After all, what is a spoiled child but one who misbehaves without correction?

THE PURPOSE OF PUNISHMENT

Corporal punishment is accepted and practiced in many societies, even today. Misbehavior can result in beatings, ruler slaps or even caning with wooden rods. Other cultures frown upon physical discipline, calling it cruelty or abuse. In these environments, parents must devise creative strategies for addressing children's misbehavior.

Sometimes, a rod of discipline may be the removal of privileges or entertainment. On other occasions, children may face grounding, loss of favorite personal playthings for a time or even financial penalties (such as removal of a cash allowance) for bad behavior.

Whatever the nature of discipline that is used, parents who truly care for their children will find ways to correct them when they need it.

The old proverb might be paraphrased this way: Parents who fail to discipline their children are likely to raise spoiled kids. Those who really love their children will correct them in firmness and caring concern and set them on the right path.

Learn more about this author, Linda Ann Nickerson.
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