4 of 8

Write now Article Tools

CONFIDENCE COUNTS

Confidence builds strength in people. Self-confidence ignites our power fuses and fuels our motors to step out and take risks. Confidence in ourselves is the root of self-esteem, which makes us stand up for ourselves and others.

Without confidence, people may struggle to survive, while hiding in the shadows and refusing to risk rejection or failure. After all, if folks believe they will fail, what will motivate them to try at all?

Self-confidence can be easily rattled, or even destroyed. Constant criticism can whittle away a person's confidence and self-esteem much more effectively than an all-out failure or two. People depend on other people for affirmation, encouragement and support. Constructive comments can contribute to helping others to grow, but belittling and subterfuge can be fatal to confidence.

What is the biggest confidence killer of all?

PASSIVE AGGRESSION KILLS CONFIDENCE.

What is passive aggression? This is the underhanded, sneaky sort of negativity that is cloaked in friendliness. The passive aggressor appears to be our friend, but he honestly has only his own best interest in mind. This insecure individual attempts to buttress his own self image by tearing others down.

However, his own shaky self-esteem forbids him from doing so openly. Instead, the passive aggressor must attack others' self-confidence in secret. A conniving backstabber, the passive aggressor will smile at us and try to soothe our spirits with sweet compliments, while belittling us in our absence.

Passive aggression is downright deceitful, and it's dirty play. Perhaps this person steps into the spotlight just in time to steal the credit for another's achievement. Often, the passive aggressor will simply ignore what others have to say, as if these individuals did not exist. If confronted directly, he will claim he was unaware of any issue.

This confidence killer may be difficult to identify. In public, the passive aggressor may appear friendly, wholesome and virtuous. He aims to catch others when their guards are down.

When we interact with passive aggressors, we may find ourselves feeling nervous and unsure. We second-guess our own decisions and opinions, although we are not quite sure why. We may discover that we value the passive aggressor's opinions of us too highly.

By keeping us guessing, the passive aggressor attempts to make us vulnerable to his deception. It is by no accident that deceptive swindlers are often called "confidence men," the longer form of "con men." They earn our confidence, so that they may take advantage of us. By gaining our trust and undermining our own self-confidence, they hope to work their evil upon us.

Passive aggressors, or confidence killers, have to be confronted directly. If we are able to recognize and call their mind games by name, we can diffuse their indirect advantage.

Most important, if we are able to derive our own self-confidence from within, we will not find ourselves so vulnerable to these sneaky confidence killers.

OVERCOMING CONFIDENCE KILLERS

Scottish philosopher, Thomas Carlyle (1795 1881) said this: "Nothing builds self-esteem and self-confidence like accomplishment."

If we seek to improve our self-esteem and build our own confidence, the most effective means of doing so is to discover our own gifts and talents. Once we recognize our own strengths and begin to exercise them, we will also reap the rewards. Perhaps our abilities and successes may surprise us at first. But a little success can work wonders at improving self-confidence.

After all, why should anyone else be allowed to determine another's self-confidence?

SOURCES:
http:/ /www.brainyquote.com/quotes/qu otes/t/thomascarl120877.html

Learn more about this author, Linda Ann Nickerson.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about The biggest confidence killer?
We want to hear your view. Write now!