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got the right chemistry - or that you haven't got it.

COMMUNICATION: Are you able to engage each other in meaningful and productive conversations? Or does every exchange end in a shouting match? Are you open about sharing your feelings? Do you feel like any topic is fair game? Or are there subjects that are taboo?

FORGIVENESS: There's no such thing as the "perfect" person. At some point, even the most caring lover will do something insensitive, even without meaning to. Can you let it go in a timely manner? Or will it be allowed to fester like an open wound? Will the issue be put to rest, or will it be resurrected as emotional blackmail in a future argument?

ROOM TO BREATHE: A common fallacy of relationships is that "two become one." That can be a recipe for disaster. Two actually become "three" - each person must keep his or her own individuality, yet together, they will create "us," a brand-new entity built on the synergy of the individuals. When either party surrenders their individuality, an essential ingredient of "us" is lost.

There are plenty of other attributes that go into a successful relationship - compassion, willingness to sacrifice, physical and emotional intimacy - and the lack of any one or more could inevitably doom a relationship.

So instead of analyzing why a relationship failed - which generally focuses on finding blame more than finding solutions - it may be more productive to look instead at why the relationship never reached its full potential in the first place.

Learn more about this author, Jeff Axelrod.
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