Writing while inebriated can be fun, but dangerous. I once penned a poem dedicated to my wife entitled "Remembering Leida A Poem," which was lovingly written from my drunken heart. My wife, Sue, asked me to join AA. In another episode, I wrote a raging piece to the editorial desk of the Washington Post boldly entitled "Socialism in America: Removal of the 13 Commandments" which, remarkably, remains unpublished to this day.

If you do choose to write while drunk, you should be extremely cautious what you write. For example, you might not want to enter a writing contest with heavy subject matters like the one recently entered by an intoxicated friend of mine. The subject was available to freelance writers and was a rebuttal to President Bush's State of the Union Address. My friend, after eleven beers and six shots, wrote the following, non-winning entry:

"The state of this union is that it sucks! All I ever hear is "no, I'm too tired," or "I have a headache." The only thing we got that resembles a f&!* union is the strike she's on. I mean, how many periods does a woman have in a year, like six thousand?"

Although not selected, he did receive a hearty sympathy note in his self-addressed stamped envelope along with his entry. He drinks less now that the divorce is over.

If you are going to write while drinking heavily, please try to observe the following rules:

1. Never type while holding your drink. No real danger here, it just slows down your drinking substantially.
2. Always use spell check. That's right, the sentence "I am vury emotionalized rite know!" contains errors.
3. Have a friend review your work before submitting. If your friend is also drinking, ask them to read your work backwards, from right to left. This may not ensure better results for your writing, but it will make you laugh until you pee.
4. Try changing scenery to help with concentration. If you find yourself fading off in the middle of a sent...
5. Get up and walk around often. Again, no real benefit but your friends will laugh until they pee.

In closing, I want to strongly state that I am in no way endorsing the excessive consumption of alcohol by any writer. Drinking too much is strongly discouraged and can be dangerous to your health, your word count, and your marriage. Above all, drink responsibly. NEVER drink and drive while writing. I tried it once and was never able to get the computer in their with the steering wheel. Bottoms up... no.. I meant the drink.

Learn more about this author, C F Tinney.
Click here to send author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about Humor: Writing while inebriated?
We want to hear your view. Write now!