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by Randa Morris

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Tips for Raising Children with High Self Esteem

I have worked with children, in various settings, for over 10 years. Currently I am coordinating a Peer Mentoring Program. I work with teens teaching them a wide variety of skills, them pairing them with younger children, in a mentoring relationship. I have also worked with children from abusive backgrounds, and done many parent education programs, including helping parents learn how to increase their child's self esteem.

As children experience the world, one of a parent's many jobs is to help them evaluate their experiences. From a very early age children are exploring their world, and developing a sense of where and how they fit into it. Many experts indicate that a child's core personality is formed before the 6th year of life, making the parents job of helping their children develop a healthy identity, that much more crucial.

A very young child looks to Mom and Dad as the be all and end all of the universe. They provide the majority of experiences that the child has, rather good or bad. They give the child his or her main source of reflection and feedback, about who the child is, as a person. Positive comments, encouragement, support and lots of love have a positive impact on the child. Yet harsh criticism, unkind words, excessive punishment, and/or giving the impression that the child is not important, can lead to very low self esteem, which can persist throughout the child's lifetime.

As children learn and grow, they are doing more than accomplishing tasks and developing new skills, they are also discovering who they are, and more importantly, how they affect their worlds. Here are some helpful suggestions on how parents can encourage children to form healthy identities, and develop high self-esteem, from the earlies ages, onward.

1. Give children lots of chances to succeed. If your child is especially good at something, provide as many opportunities as possible for him or her to excel.

2. Limit experiences that are too challenging, not age appropriate, or not suited to your child's talents and abilities. If your child is great in Math, but not very athletic, don't push him/her to be involved in sports- instead give your child chances to show off their exceptional mathmatical abilities. Remember that not every child is good at everything. Capitolize on your child's strengths, downplay their weaknesses.

3. Don't compare children to siblings, neighbors, cousins etc... Focus on your own child, and his or her special qualities.

4. Don't make a big deal out of your child's mistakes. Now is a good time to teach that everyone makes mistakes, and it's ok not to be perfect.

5. Look for reasons to praise your child. Give honest praise, and encourage your child to praise themselves, as well. For instance, if your child paints a picture say "I really like the way you..." ask your child questions like "What do you like best about this picture?" or "What's your favorite part?"

6. Role model positive self esteem. Take care of yourself. Have firm boundaries in place. Talk about yourself in positive ways around your child. Your child learns best from the examples you set. If your son or daughter hears you constantly criticizing yourself, they will adopt that habit, regardless of how much you praise him or her.

Learn more about this author, Randa Morris.

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