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A husband's behavior cannot force a woman to be unfaithful. I have been married for twenty years now, to the same man. We have never been legally separated or even ever considered divorce as an option. I am not a marriage counselor nor have I ever played one on TV. But, I think I know a little thing about marriage and being a responsible adult.

A woman and a man are responsible for their own behavior. By a man being unfaithful or being an alcoholic, or by being a crack addict does not force a wife into the arms of another. She decides on what she wants to do. The husband does not say, "Get out and go have an affair, because I told you to." The husband does not force the wife to take action and have an affair, it is the feelings the woman has inside of inadequacy, of loneliness, of anger, resentment, and possibly getting back at her husband that cause her to jump into bed with someone else.

When a guy's behavior alone can cause a woman to flee into someone else's arms then possibly every woman alive would at one time or another leave home and jump into bed with someone else. I've seen some rocky times in my own marriage, my parents' marriage, and friends' marriages and as far as I know they all stayed faithful to each other. And I stayed faithful too.

If the tables were turned and I know I have driven my husband crazy so many times over our twenty years together, then if this were true he would have been unfaithful many times over. Nobody is perfect, that's the way people are. When you get married you have to accept that aspect in each other. When your husband is an alcoholic, a drug addict, or is a wife-beater, then it's time to become separated from each other and work on getting divorce. Possibly he could get counseling and the marriage could thrive once his addiction, or counseling is over and you think there is a chance it can work.

Other people are not responsible for your actions; you are responsible for your own actions. You can't blame cheating on a spouse, or domestic partner, unless they physically take you to the person and say, " Go ahead make my day, cheat on me."

When my husband and I first got married he would tell me all the time that I was responsible for his temper tantrums. I told him that he is in control of the way he acts and reacts to outside stimuli. It is up to him to react the right way or the wrong way. I was the one that made him mad, but he had to deal with his anger by going for a walk, or go work out, or do something positive so he could work out the anger.

Instead he would just let it simmer and hold it in for weeks, remembering the argument and blowing up at me for something trivial. He could have had an affair to get back at me, or I could have had one to get back at him. But we didn't we worked it out, because we grew up and became responsible adults.

So, nope you can't blame someone else for the way you act or react to his or her behavior. Even if your husband acts like the abdominal snowman, or has an addiction problem, he can't make you have an affair. It's strictly up to you to decide if you are going to have an affair or if you're going to get a divorce or make the marriage work.

Learn more about this author, Kate Johns.
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