I have asked myself every day for the last 7 years, when will I stop missing her so much? Seven birthdays, seven Christmases and seven Easters, and sadly seven Mother's Days, have gone by, all without my best friend. This person I speak of is my mother. I was 37 years old when she died of a cancer related illness. She was 72. It was sudden. She was diagnosed on April 25, 2001 and she died May 5, 2001.

I never had a chance to wrap my brain around the fact that she was sick. One day I was talking to her on the phone and then 4 days later she was in a coma and I was flying 1200 miles across country to get to her bedside before died. I arrived 8 minutes before she took her last breath.

All I could think was this can't be happening. This is a bad dream and I will wake up and thank the good Lord that it was only a dream. I still feel that way today. I still pick up the phone to call her and tell her what her grandchildren are doing. I still look forward to hearing her laugh. I still expect a card or letter in the mail. My heart is still broken.

I lost more than just one person. She was my best friend, my adviser, my biggest fan and my worse critic. My life has changed so much since she died. I literally stopped living for awhile after she was gone. I even hoped for death for myself so that I could be with her again. I prayed for just one more talk with her, just one more hug.

The missing her did not go away. The pain is still there today. Maybe not as harsh as it was at first but the pain is always there. It took about 3 years before I started to heal. I went to several counselors and went through hours of therapy. But it was not until I moved back to my hometown and could be near her house and her belongings and visit her grave that I truly started to heal.

For a long time I misunderstood healing for being Forgetting. I felt that if I accepted her death then I must not need or miss her enough. This is not true by any means. I miss her terribly but I can go on with life. I can still be a good mother to my own children and a friend to others and still miss her. I can even smile and laugh and not feel guilty. I have learned that life does go on and that she is still apart of my life.

A perfect example of keeping her alive is the fact that my 7 year old daughter, who was only an infant at the time of my mother's passing, knows her grandmother through memories that I have shared with her. My mother died before she got a chance to see my daughter. But she misses her sometimes as much as I do.

Mom, I love you and I miss you. And the thought of living another 37 years without you is almost too much to bear at times. I know you look down from heaven and see all that has gone on in my life. I know that you still love me. Please know that you were my friend as well as my mother and you will always have the other half of my broken heart.

Learn more about this author, Lisa Powell.
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