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by Randa Morris

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Victim Thinking Checklist

Our thoughts control our actions. They control the way we see the world, and how we respond to all of the diverse opportunities that life itself presents to us. By learning to control our thoughts, in essence, we learn to better control our lives and experiences.

There are basically only 2 types of thinkers. Victim thinkers are those who believe that things will never improve. Characteristically, victim thinkers think poorly of themselves. They dwell on past mistakes, focus on problems in their lives, and tend to fear failure to such an extent that they never attempt real change.

Survivor thinkers are exactly the opposite of victim thinkers. They are forgiving of themselves, and accept their mistakes as learning experiences. They are optimistic about the future. They accept their own humanity, and give themselves permission to fail, as well as to succeed.

Anyone can learn to think like a survivor. For those who have been in the habit of victim thinking, the process takes some work. Those who change their thinking are on their way to changing their lives as well. It only takes about 30 days of committed effort to change your own thought process. In order to break an old habit, in theory, you must replace it with a new one.

As a Trauma and Loss Specialist I have spent 8 years working with victims. Part of the healing process is learning to change the thought patterns they have developed over the course of their lives. Below you will find some useful ideas for making the change from victim thinking, to survivor thinking.

Step 1. ERASE AND REPLACE
Make a conscience effort to monitor your own thoughts and speech patterns. Whenever you hear yourself saying something negative, stop. Erase that thought. Replace it with another.

Erase thoughts like "I'm so stupid."
Replace with thoughts like "I have made mistakes, and I have learned from those experiences." and "I am only human. Everyone makes mistakes." or "I don't have to be perfect. I can accept myself as I am."

Erase thoughts like "I'll never get better."
Replace with thoughts like "Everyone can change." and "I am making a conscience effort to get better."

Erase thoughts like "Why bother?" and "There's no use"
Replace with thoughts like "I am worth the effort." "I deserve this chance."

Step 2. Select at least 3 of the following positive statements that you can honestly say are true of you.

I am learning and growing as a person.
Things are not perfect, but they are getting better.
I forgive myself for my past mistakes.
I am better today than I was yesterday.
I have learned a lot from my mistakes.
I am working on bettering myself.
There are many things about me to love.
I have both positive and negative qualities, because I am a human being.
I am a one of a kind, unique individual.
I can build on my own strengths.
I have had both good and bad experiences in life. I am can put them both into perspective.
I can be kind to myself.

Step 3. Write each of the 3 statements you choose on large piece of a paper. (One statement per sheet.) Post each of the papers in a prominent place in your home, where you will see it every day- several times if possible. The bathroom, your bedroom, the refrigerator, etc... Make an effort to read the statement to yourself several times every day.

Step 4. Commit to taking care of yourself.
Make a list of at least 5 things that you really enjoy doing. Commit to doing one of those things every day. Taking a bubble bath, going for a walk on the beach, reading a chapter of a good book, watching a funny movie etc... You deserve to take priority in your own life. You deserve to be treated well. You deserve to have time in your life for the things you enjoy.

Step 5. Commit to being kind to yourself.

1. I will not call myself names or put myself down. I would not do that to someone else, therefore I will not do it to myself.
2. I will give myself a chance to succeed. I will also give myself permission to fail.
3. I will allow myself to experience the things that I love. I give myself permission to enjoy my life, and to make the most out of it.
4. I will pay myself compliments every day.
5. I will applaud my successes.
6. I will encourage myself in all of endeavors.
7. I will be my own best friend.

It may sound like a lot of work to do these things, however if you can make the effort for just 30 days you will have erased the old, bad habits, and replaced them new, better habits.

Learn more about this author, Randa Morris.

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