by Susie Turk

Created on: April 11, 2008

I am the youngest of four siblings; also known as "The Baby." Within my family of siblings, Totalitarianism, oppression, condemnation, judgments, and the unwillingness to compromise, or even listen for that matter, are the names of their games. This is why they are now referred to as, "Those previously known as my siblings."

As far as my siblings are concerned, so long as I do as they've told me, they will grant me a taste, or a show of their love, but only for a moment. You see my family is similar to that of a Country Club made up of people only slightly elevated above trailer trash, but not quite elevated in status enough to be considered publicly significant, or even slightly elegant; one might simply refer to us as wanna be's. It is only when I've successfully given them whatever it is they desire, whether or not I agree, that I am allowed a temporary, and brief membership. Never the less, as far as I'm concerned, I absolutely no longer choose to be, A WANNA BE.

Recently a police officer asked me why it was I continued to try so hard to maintain a relationship with my family when all they continually do is cause me pain, and nothing good what-so-ever will come of my efforts, rather, only layer upon layer of hurt, shame, and grief will I receive. I then answered, "But you see, they are my family." He then said, "But they are hurting you, and you my friend, deserve better. Well, I think so anyway." I'll tell you, after hearing his words, I assure you I was left utterly speechless, breathless, stunned, and dumbfounded. I'd never thought of my family situation in this way. The problem was, or perhaps I should say the answer IS, he was, and still is, CORRECT.

Sibling silence isn't all that silent you know. Just because there's no longer audible communication occurring between siblings, and we are indeed estranged, does not mean all is quiet between my siblings, and myself. I receive nasty e-mail from one sibling quite often, though now I neither read them, nor reply. At this time in my life I've officially chosen to remain forever estranged from all three of my siblings, and based on past experiences, I wouldn't choose to have it any other way, because for me, they're just not worth it. I've recently learned I am worth far more to myself than I'd previously believed.

For me the love that supposedly once existed between us is simply gone. I no longer trust any one of them, nor will I again. I now am devoid of any familial ties in regard to my biological family,

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