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Silence can bring peace and tranquility to ones' life. This is the case for me, regarding the relationship with my sister. For most of my life I allowed myself to be controlled and manipulated by her and I never realized what peace was until I let the relationship go.

I am surprised to find myself writing to this topic. I have spent the last six years avoiding this subject, so I will attempt to address this and maybe even justify it, as well.

It has been six years since mom passed away. I am the youngest of four daughters and we live in four different states. Mom had been ill for some time and spent many months hospitalized, before her death. My sister was not her caregiver, but was responsible for her in many ways since she lived nearby. Mom was able to have home health care, which was necessary 24/7.

The three sisters out of state took turns on a regular basis to be with mom and assist in her well being. Since mom had become dependent on our sister for so much, this sister became her power of attorney. During our many trips to visit mom, and during many conversations, it became very clear that mom's finances were not being handled properly.

To say this was a sensitive issue, is an understatement. Mom trusted our sister to handle things appropriately and this did not include buying personal items for herself and her son. Mom was a trusting and soft-spoken person. She had expressed concern at one time or another for her finances and it was decided that the four of us would all be equal in the power of attorney. This created some tension, since it also gave accountability to our sister that she was not prepared or willing to accept.

At moms' request, we three sisters met with her financial advisor. It became very clear that thousands of dollars were missing, and there was no accounting or explanation of the missing money. Mom was not physically or emotionally capable of hearing this and we were not prepared to burden her with this news.

Attempts to rectify the situation were useless, and the relationships between this sister and the three of us became strained. It was more important for us to protect mom from this information than to expose this hideous situation.

Mom passed away a few short months later. I received a phone call from this sister saying, "Mom died, call your other sisters". That was it. No details, no tears.

That was the last conversation I had with my sister. She no longer speaks to three sisters, or three of her four children. As complicated as this situation was and even still is to this day, my sisters and I hold no guilt or feel the need to re-connect with her. The manipulation and control she had over mom, was simply wrong and unkind. I feel sorry for her and for what she misses by alienating her family, however, I accept that these are decisions she made, and now lives with.

No family is perfect, we all have our faults, but I would like to think, being raised by the same parents that siblings should have the same basic values and morals. In this situation, we are happy to have protected mom from this hurt yet recognize my sister should be accountable for her actions.

I believe someday, she will be.

Learn more about this author, Peggy Lindgren.
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