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I don't think that any of these take the Church's name in vain! I hope that you enjoy a selection of my favorite pastor jokes.

Joke 1

At a recent pastor's retreat each minister in attendance was asked the following question: "How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb?" The answers were as follows.

A Presbyterian Pastor responded, "None. If God wants the bulb screwed in he is sovereign and will do it himself without human effort."

A Charismatic Pastor replied, "None. The bulb doesn't need to be changed. We should pray that it be healed."

A Pentecostal Pastor said, "None. We simply need to cast out from the bulb the demon of darkness."

The Fundamentalist Pastor stated, "None. We shouldn't even enter the room because we need to keep ourselves separate from all darkness."

A Baptist Pastor responded, "None. If we allow physical contact between a person and the bulb it might lead to dancing."

The Wesleyan Minister replied, "None. If we just show the bulb its need, it already possesses the power to screw itself in."

A Non-Denominational Pastor said, "None. We don't want to make the bulb feel unwanted or uncomfortable."

Joke 2

Three friends decided to go deer hunting together. One was a lawyer, one a doctor, and the other a preacher.

As they were walking, along came a big buck. The three of them shot simultaneously. Immediately the buck dropped to the ground and all three rushed up to see how big it actually was.

Upon reaching it they found out that it was dead but had only one bullet hole. Thus a debate followed concerning whose buck it was.

A few minutes later a game officer came by and asked what the problem was. The doctor told him their reason for the debate. The officer told them he would take a look and tell them who shot it.

Within a few seconds the game officer said with much confidence, "The pastor shot the buck!"

They all wondered how he knew that so quickly.

The officer said, "Easy. The bullet went in one ear and out the other."

Joke 3

A preacher went to visit an elderly woman from his church who had just had an operation. As he was sitting there talking with her, he noticed a bowl of peanuts on the stand next to the bed.

He began to eat them, and soon it was time for him to leave. When he got up he noticed he had eaten all of her peanuts.

"Sister Jones," he said "I'm sorry I ate all of your peanuts."

She replied "That's okay pastor, I already sucked all of the chocolate off of them."

Joke 4

My pastor friend put sanitary hot air hand dryers in the rest rooms at his church and after two weeks took them out. I asked him why and he confessed that they worked fine but when he went in there he saw a sign that read,

"For a sample of this week's sermon, push the button."

Learn more about this author, Stephen Bate.
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