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If you feel you have no control over your child, or you feel that your child is in control of you, you are simply unaware of your true power. Feeling that you've lost control or that you never had it to begin with, can feel like you're stumbling around in the dark with no sign of the tiniest glimmer of light. In reality, you've forgotten that you're carrying a torch and you only have to switch it on!

Whether you find yourself "giving in" to your child for the sake of peace, or whether your child ignores any threats of consequences you try to enforce, and whether you know it or not, YOU still have ALL of the power. You only need to know how to use it.

Plan Ahead (finding your torch):
Set aside some time to make a list of things or activities your child loves. Write down everything you can think of that makes your child feel excited. Then, go through the list and cross out any that would be impractical to withhold. For example, if he loves swimming but you've paid for his swimming lessons in advance and you feel it would be a waste of money to miss them, keeping him from his swimming lessons as a consequence would be impractical. His Play-Station, however, you can easily withhold.

After you've crossed out all the items that would be impractical to withhold, go through the list again and pick the three that mean the most to him. If you don't have three, think of a couple more to introduce specifically for leverage; for example, find a program on T.V. that he would love watching every day.

Now that you have this list of three leverage opportunities, you are Queen! (or King!) If the leverage is powerful enough, (and since you've chosen the three practical items that mean the most to your child, you know it's powerful enough) you don't need anything else.

Now that you've found your "torch", here's how to switch it on:
The next time your child misbehaves, make sure you make eye contact, and speak calmly and firmly. You're in control because you have the leverage. You have the power to withhold. Pick an item from your list, and tell your child that if he doesn't comply, unfortunately you're going to have to withhold it. DO NOT tell your child about the list. Do not tell him anything about your plans. Simply pick the item in your mind, and then tell him the consequence.

When he objects, as he's bound to do, calmly reiterate the consequence, and confirm it. Then calmly follow through. If you take his Play Station away for the day, take it calmly, and put it where he can't find

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