by Odille Rault

Created on: April 11, 2008

When I was about 16 years old, I took over from a teacher in directing a school play. It was a daunting task. There were about 12 cast members around my own age, some of them had a rebellious attitude, and all of them were noisy.

I remember my first day of rehearsal with them. I couldn't get a word in. They were fooling around and completely ignored me. I tried yelling, as the teacher had done. I yelled louder. A few of the cast went quiet and looked over at me, the rest ignored me. I then decided to use a different tactic. I quietly went over to the window, and stood gazing out of it. Not in a dejected way, but with strength and power in my stance. Head up, shoulders back, and I decided to play the waiting game. I made a mental note of the main culprits and told myself that if they continued with this behavior, I would report them and ask that they be dropped from the cast, but I was not going to struggle to make myself heard.

Within about three minutes, the room was completely quiet. Even the "cool kids" with the attitude were sulkily quiet. We started the rehearsal and, although there were times leading up the production when they still got a bit out of hand, whenever I went quiet, they'd eventually settle down.

I learned at that age to never make a spectacle of myself by raising my voice to try and will someone to behave. I see yelling as a sign that the "yell-er" simply doesn't have the knowledge and ability to get the attention of the "yell-ee" in a more dignified way.

Yelling out of Frustration:
This is a natural expression, and most of us give in to it at least a few times in our lives. It's human and natural, but is not a tactic for reinforcing discipline.

Yelling to Avoid Danger:
Well, this is of course, an alarm rather than reinforcing discipline, so naturally it's not only acceptable, but vital.

Yelling in a Playground or Other Public Place for Your Child to Come Here NOW!
This yelling is unnecessary, and I find it embarrassing. On top of that, the child is most likely to ignore the yelling, pretending to not hear it; or he may be so engrossed in play that he genuinely doesn't register it.

It's much more dignified to make the effort to walk up to your child and speak to him. Ask him to stop what he's doing for a moment and make eye-contact with you, to make sure he's focusing on what you're saying. Then tell him firmly that it's time to go. If he refuses, I would simply say that if he doesn't come now, he'll not be able to (insert leverage); and then of course,

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