by Jim Crawford

Created on: April 11, 2008

WHEN BLACK BOXES IN CARS START TO RECORD VOICES

Maybe I was the last one to get this news, but I just learned that some 25 million autos now have black-box data recorders in them. They record such things as speed, seat belt use and braking status. I suppose it's only a matter of time before they'll be recording voices, just like the black boxes on airplanes. When they do, I imagine these will be some of the last words uttered just before the crash:

Driver to passengers: "Look at this, will ya? There must be 200 cars all coming the wrong way, right at us! How stupid can people be?"

Son to driver: "Dad, by the way, the college says we can't get a refund on the tuition or the room and board....Oh, I didn't tell you I dropped out?"

Driver to passengers: "These chicken wings aren't bad. The sweet and sour sauce is making my hands a bit slippery, though."

Wife to driver: "Did you stain the deck today? What about the trash did you get to the dump? When are you going to fix that kitchen cabinet? Do you have any idea where you're going? My mother is coming to stay over tonight....Hey, you're getting awfully close to the telephone poles on my side of the road."

Wife to driver: "My God, Harry, will you look at the outfit on that woman walking over there. It doesn't leave anything to the imagination!"

Daughter to driver: "Mom, I really hope you like my boyfriend Johnny....We're having a baby."

Wife to driver: "....So anyway, and I know that was a long story, but that's what's happening at the garden club lately. Oh, and my friend told me she got a beige dress for her daughter's wedding. I really don't think beige would be appropriate. I think she ought to consider something with a little more color to it. What do you think, Ed?... Ed?... ED!"

Husband to wife named Louise: "Thanks for driving, darling. Here, let me rub your neck...Does that feel good, honey? How bout I give my lovely Mary her favorite - a little peck on the cheek."

Driver to wife: "For your information, I know exactly where I'm going! And I'm an excellent driver, whether you think so or not!"

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