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I am a Soccer Mom...reluctantly. I have all the right qualifications: son (check); daughter (check); volvo (check); PTA President (check); Sunday School Teacher (check); house in the suburbs (check); successful, loving husband(check)...the list goes on and on. I bring the snacks to the kids' games and sit and cheer. But here's the deal. I don't WANT to just be a Soccer Mom! Deep down inside, there's a part of me that's just a little bit wild. A little bit crazy. And when the kids aren't home...and I'm all alone...I close the blinds and let myself go.

And for that brief moment, I'm not Soccer Mom...I am a ROCK STAR! I crank up the stereo and sing my way across the living room floor-think Tom Cruise in Risky Business. With cellulite. And a Sam's Club card.

I confess -I have a secret life. I listen to hip hop when no one's around - although all of my stereo presets are more "age-appropriate." I have an ongoing fantasy regarding Christian Bale - although I'm almost old enough (gulp) to be his mother. I eat cookie dough for lunch. I've been known to spend the entire day napping then spray the house with Lysol so everyone thinks I've been cleaning. I couldn't care less about waxy build-up or dirty grout.

This is my confession - for only strangers to read. Friends would be certain that I'm either going crazy or simply having a mid-life crisis. They'd smile knowingly and recommend a trip to the spa, Prozac, or both. My family would cringe at my undignified behavior- dignity is a big thing in my family. They, too, would jump on the Prozac bandwagon.

Which leads me to this very important question. Do we REALLY need more Soccer Moms? What would happen if all of us let this alternate self (AS) emerge. Not all at once - the bake sales and PTA fundraisers would probably come to a grinding halt! But what if we all agreed to let that AS come up for air on Mondays from 10-11am. Then slowly, we'd let the AS spend a little more time in the real world - maybe just a few hours a day. All the laundry will still be done, kids fed and clothed, PTA meetings held, all the regular stuff. But what if, we all took a break for just a few hours?

Here's what I think would happen. First, Mondays would begin to look a lot like Fridays. Moms all over the world would be smiling, sporting cool hairstyles and listening to seriously good music. Kids would be either incredibly proud or horrified - depending on their proximity to puberty. Fathers would be singing in the streets because, "if momma aint happy..." And somehow the world would continue to revolve on its axis!

So here's my plan. On Monday, I'm turning off the phone, closing the blinds and doing my best Joan Jett imitation at the top of my lungs. Then I'm heading to the salon to trade in my Soccer Mom hair for a really cool haircut. And if I hate it? There's always next Monday!

Learn more about this author, Linda Maisch.
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