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It is very difficult to bounce back into a trusting relationship after you have caught, or been caught cheating.

In your heart, you want to believe that he/she will never do it again. After all, that was the promise he/she made. Saying it will never happen again is a bit far fetched. Those are promises that are very hard to keep. It may, or it may not happen again. That depends on the person, and weather or not they value their relationship.

Many will say, "pack up and leave him/her. If he/she did it once, he/she will do it again." That can be a traumatic decission. If the one who is being cheated on, truly loves the cheater, then why pack up and leave? If the relationship becomes violent, to the point of hurting each other, leave. It is time to go if that happens. But if you can work on the relationship with out the fighting and arguing stay and try to "fix" what went wrong.

Don't talk so much to others about what he/she did. It makes your friends or family uncomfortable to be put in the situation where they feel they have to "choose sides." Follow your own inner feelings. Ask yourself the question, "is this what I want to do. Do I want to leave? Why do I want to leave?" Or on the flip side, "Do I want to stay? Why do I want to stay?" And then seperate your WANTS from your NEEDS.

Sometimes our wants and needs become entangled, to the point that we cannot seperate one from the other. We should never stay with anyone because we "want" to feel their security, or because we have children, or because we don't have a job. The needs are different. To need some one, is part of the heart affair. You don't want to need them for their money, for what they can do for you, or because you need them to give you a place to hang your hat. When you truly need someone, your heart tells you so.

I had a friend who told me something years ago, that has since proven to be so right. "I don't WANT you because I NEED you, yet, I NEED you because I LOVE YOU.

There are many, many reasons that causes a person to cheat on their spouse. Sometimes we cheat, and don't know the reason why we did it. The one who is not the cheater, seems to always blame themselves. They question, "what did I do wrong to make he/she do this to me?" Possibly nothing. And then there are the ones that cry and pled to their spouse. "Please don't leave me, I'll do anything for you." Don't do that. You know better. Of course your heart is breaking, but don't make it worse by saying things that you will not be able to follow thru on.

Don't allow that man/woman to find you sitting around crying, your hair not combed, your sweats that you slept in, you are still wearing in the middle of the day. You look beat. You are projecting something to him/her. He/she sees a very weak person. Don't allow yourself to get down-troddened. Get up, dress, comb your hair, laugh, even if it hurts, and instead of crying, turn on some happy music and dance around the house. This is while you are in his presence, you can cry after he is gone. But be strong in front of him.

Remember the decision you make to go or stay, is a lasting decision. If you walk out the door, you may not have the opportunity to come back if you decide to. Make your decisions with a clear mind, void of anger. Just don't be hasty. You may make a hasty, angry decision that you will regret for the rest of your life.

Communicate. Get a feeling from the talks you have as to why he/she chose the route they did. Avoid accusations. Don't ask alot of needless questions. And please don't set yourself up to be the martyr. Before you speak....listen. Think about everything you are going to say. Try within yourself to resolve the problem at hand. If it don't work, then you know, you tried your best.

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