by Elaine Sihera

Created on: April 09, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

Dealing With The Void When Children Flee The Nest

Many parents often feel bereft when their children have flown the nest. But that is the most natural part of life. To bring up our loved ones, equipping them with the skills to get on with their lives, then letting them fly off in their own way. They will soon be back, but on their terms, not ours. Many parents do not understand this transitional stage and become sad and gloomy because of it, believing that they are no longer needed or appreciated. But they are very much wanted at this new stage, only in a different manner. To be detached and ready for support, not intrusive and interfering.

Once the children are grown and have moved out, as a couple you will still have each other but either, as companions or strangers. It depends on how much time you've taken to nurture your relationship together. If you shared no intimacy or demonstrations of affection while they lived with you, then you will really find it difficult to start as a loving couple again when they are gone. That's the time you'll really feel further apart. Parents often feel useless at this stage, not quite understanding that they are still wanted by their children, but in a different way. Teenagers now want a detached love which helps them to fly and eases them into adulthood, not a close-up love which stifles their movement and blocks their development.

In their absence, parents have time to size each other up again, and look closely at themselves. Often they do not like what they see, particularly women, who are currently initiating the many divorces. In fact, most divorces now occur within a year or two of the children leaving home. With frustrations and anger being hidden behind the children, their absence makes it difficult to conceal the true nature of the relationship. It soon blows apart without their glue to hold it together.

Enjoying each other means lots of affection and greater frequency of sex. With the kids gone, you should have all your privacy back until you have company. It's a glorious time for rekindling your love and passion. You should be affectionate all the time, not just at intimate moments. Never stop. Try out daring and unusual things, as well as a lot of sex, with the frequency determined by you both. Use your imagination and be innovative. Try it in places you have never been before. A new approach is so important. Sex doesn't make a marriage, but a satisfying sex life seems to have a very strong correlation with a satisfying relationship. It also prevents dissatisfied partners from looking elsewhere, especially when they see others looking very happy together, and wondering what they are missing!

Learn more about this author, Elaine Sihera.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.