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How Children Can Unwittingly Worsen Relationships

Many couples desire children and they are the greatest gifts we can have to ensure the continuation of our species, at least. However, many parents unwittingly allow their children to destroy their relationships when a little bit more care and a different approach could reap many joys.

When it comes to children, every study has shown that there is a reduction in several important areas of marital satisfaction from the birth of the first child until the last child leaves home. Ironically, as great as they are, children are an ever-present danger to the health of relationships. Sometimes parents forget they married because they loved each other, and not simply to have children. Once children are on the scene, it is easy to drift apart. This applies more now than ever before as shown by the increasing number of single parents and step-families. Yet it is not too difficult to have the children we want and the relationship we desire.

Sensible couples maintain a commitment that their children are not going to have a negative impact on their love and romance. They make a big effort to ensure that their partner doesn't feel secondary to the children (or anyone else). They ensure that their children respect their privacy, which happens best when parents also respect the children's privacy. In such homes the children would be comfortably aware that they are loved, but that Mum and Dad (or parent and new partner) are very much in love with each other. With very rare exceptions, it is extremely helpful to the child's development to observe regular genuine affection between parents.

Children need a firm foundation through a steady marriage/relationship, but parents also need to renew their love. The more loving you are, the more secure your children will feel and the more you will be teaching them, through your actions, what love is really about. Children do not only learn from what they are told. They learn by what they actually see and that is why staying together for the children's sake' is not a very good idea. If all they see is a loveless couple in front of them, frozen in icy silence, trying to pretend that all is normal in the most awkward and unloving way, or arguing constantly because of the frustration, what is the point in that? They will feel terribly insecure and perhaps begin to believe that they are the causes of it. Worst still, a negative, acrimonious lesson is mainly what they will take away to their own relationships later on. Better to break as soon as possible and get back into other loving relationships. This might carry short-term pain, but at least it will have the promise of positive long-term gain for everyone involved.

Learn more about this author, Elaine Sihera.
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