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that would have the same veracity and ring of hopeless optimism. While it is a true statement that one might send a card to someone that one had had one's eye on as a sort of icebreaker, one deserves the outcome that nigh invariably comes from such a gesture. However, if you want to look like a stalker and freak someone out terribly, be my guest.
Well, as I'm running out of space, I will take this opportunity to pitch my idea for the rectification of this horrible holiday. I propose that today, February 15th, 2002, we institute an "Anti-Valentine's Day," for all us single people out there. Take up arms against couplehood! Point and laugh at them! Throw things at them if they become even the slightest bit cuddly! Make sure they're soft things! Make the universal choking noise at them, indicating saccharine poisoning! Be as generally annoying to them as they are to us on Valentine's Day!

Or don't. Whatever.
P.S. If you think I'm talking about you in this article, well, you're probably right. However, I'm probably talking about you even if you think I'm not talking about you, so it evens out in the end. Remember, this is entirely for humorous intent. If it makes you feel better, you can believe I'm just writing this out of jealousy.
P.P.S. For those of you keeping score, the entire content of the Post Script may be translated to "Please Don't Hurt Me! I Didn't Mean It." It is very interesting how many of these things run the risk of me getting the crap beaten out of me.
P.P.P.S. No, the title doesn't mean anything, so stop trying to figure it out. An antimacassar is a piece of fabric set on the backs of chairs to keep them clean where the head rubs against them, and bears no relation to Valentine's Day whatsoever.

Learn more about this author, Brian Eaton.
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