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I remember the little things that mean so much to me. Like how one person once called me by my middle name. Told me that it was special to him to call me Marie and that he would use it on special occasions. He never called me that again and I rarely hear from him anymore. I wonder if he remembers.

I remember the sound of the birds on Monday morning a few weeks ago when I woke and didn't move so I didn't disturb the one laying next to me. I remember wanting that moment to last. But it had to end, as all moments do and though I've wished to experience something like it again...it hasn't come about. I wonder if he remembers.

I remember on movie night at the end of my first year of college how I sat on the floor sort of leaning against the couch and his head so close to mine. Neither of us watched the last couple of movies very much. We kept staring at each other, and we held hands out of sight, under the pillow that our heads were resting on. He dropped me off at my dorm after the sun rose and the movies were over. WE never did more than hold hands that night...and that was the last I ever saw or heard of him. I wonder if he remembers.

I remember a night in January before I was to fly back home to California. He and I had a horrible fight and I sobbed uncontrollably on his bed in the dark. We had both felt betrayed and done the betraying. Both of us were in the wrong and neither knew how to fix it. Then I heard him come in and fiddle with the CD player. And I heard the first piano chords of our song. That was all we needed to reach for each other and hold to each other. And I left a few hours later. And he put me out of mind. But I wonder if he remembers.

I remember sitting on the sun warmed rocks on the river, watching the sun start to go down past the mountain, with him sitting next to me. We were pleasantly tired from swimming with the schools of fish and chasing each other in the river so far from the sounds of civilization. I remember pulling out the camera and snapping a quick picture over his shoulder. Then I remember hugging him and wishing the moment would last forever. But after the sun dropped we packed up our gear and began the hike back to the truck. I wonder if he remembers.

I remember spending the day with a drug hangover from the migraine I'd had the night before then actually letting loose and dancing for the first time that night in the crowd of people. And I actually had fun. How he tried to keep the other men from pawing at me while dancing. And afterwards how we were lying next to each other in the tent and he wrote "I Love You" on my back. And I couldn't believe it. He made my night, that evening. I wonder if he remembers.

I remember we were on our way to a sports bar to play some pool and as we came down the off-ramp to the stop light something happened to the car and the gas pedal floor with no resistance and the car just slowed to a stop. We eventually got it rigged enough to get to my place to fix it and then he asked if I wanted to end the date...I said of course not and told him that I still wanted to play some pool with him. So we went to the bar and listened to live music and played pool and had a wonderful time. I wonder if he remembers.

I wonder if the man to whom I wrote my first love poem still remembers or even has it.

I wonder if the first boy I kissed ever thinks back to the Fourth of July.

I wonder if the first boy who told me he loved me ever thinks of me when he drives by my old house.

I wonder if the first boy I ever loved ever thinks back to the times we competed against each other in everything.

Learn more about this author, Juliette Vincent.
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