by Vonda J. Sines

Created on: April 08, 2008

Because the United States has evolved over the last 50 years to a country where serial marriages are common, a better way to pose the questions is, "Do second marriages work?"

The short answer: some do, some don't. Although I am happily remarried, it's impossible to overlook the dismal statistics that suggest a second or subsequent marriage is less likely to succeed than a first. All of them appear to assume that the respective first marriages ended in divorce, not widowhood.

A 2002 report from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) suggested that 23 percent of second marriages in the United States end in divorce after 5 years. Some 39 percent have gone down the tubes after a decade.

Psychologist Jennifer Baker of Springfield, MO, indicates that while 50 percent of all U.S. marriages end in divorce, a whopping 67 percent of second unions and 74 percent of third attempts end up in divorce decrees.

Why are second marriages so likely to fail? There are half a dozen very basic reasons:

1. Economics: Couples who have gone through divorces from prior marriages have often suffered economic setbacks as a result of terminating the marriage. The prospect of a second marriage is littered with financial concerns such as child and/or spousal support, real estate still unsold, and debts to be paid. This is not the soundest foundation on which to start another union.

2. Blended families: His, hers, and maybe ours? The tensions from combining families and starting a brand new one are about a mile high. Add to the recipe new grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and other members of a tribe. Some teenagers cannot even explain to you how they are related to various stepparents when there is a history of serial marriages. Custody and visitation battles can go on for years.

3. Career changes: He's a teacher in Illinois. She's a media consultant in Wisconsin. Who's going to move? And what if that spouse can't find a job in the new locale?

4. Former friends: Very few who knew both a husband and a wife are able to maintain positive friendships with both after a couple divorces. It becomes even harder after a divorced partner remarries. Do they even want to meet the new spouse?

5. Living space: This issue cuts across several others on the list. Many couples who invest in a second marriage choose to leave their respective residences behind and find a new one. If they both have children, this can mean uprooting an entire gaggle of people. Issues of a new school district, commuting to work, and volunteer activities are all uprooted.

6. History of failure: Probably the baggage with the greatest impact on a second marriage is a history of failure. If you failed to get a job with a company you really liked, you might eventually work for the firm. However, you will never have the same enthusiasm you had when you first interviewed. So it is with failure. We learn from it, we overcome it, and we go on in life. But often we let it overshadow a current relationship, even years later.

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