by Maximillion Mango-Chutney

Created on: April 08, 2008

He lauds the beauty and wit of his beloved:

Naomi, I worship the very blood-soaked ground
You walk on and the stormy waters over
Which you skip fairy-like with your dainty white
Feet. You are the purest embodiment of
The eternal feminine to be found in this
Sublunary realm of suffering and anguish;
I never saw a daughter of Eve so fitted
By her grace and playfulness of wit to adorn

This life; you are the consummate mistress
Of wordplay, flexiloquence, single entendre,
Double entendre, triple entendre and
Innuendo. I am helplessly trapped in
Your fishnet stockings - you are truly a fisher of men.

Concludes and bows to tumultuous applause,
And is immediately showered with blue and
Black roses, lilies-of-the-valley, wild orchids,
Caramelized tree frogs, sauted salamanders
In sauce bearnaise, assegais, stuffed gerbils in
Breadcrumbs, used car tires, knobkerries, bull's entrails,
Rude photos, fricasseed porcupines, marbled
Quail's eggs, old broken tennis rackets,
Cowpats, cumquats, brickbats, rotten breadfruit and
Dead fruit bats, all of which he receives gratefully
(Except the sauteed salamanders to which
He has never been partial). Members of the
Audience, of all three sexes, rush onto the
Stage, carry him aloft on their shoulders, and
Then take him out into 7th Avenue,
Where, amid a blizzard of ticker tape, he
Is feted by a vast crowd of 2,000,000,
Some leaning far out of office windows and
Balconies, some perched on top of lampposts, seeking
Every vantage point to greet the Welsh hero
Who sits at the back of a pink open-top
Cadillac chauffeured by a blue-liveried
Orang-Utan smoking a Cuban cigar.
After a two mile procession, he arrives
At the Cathedral of the Sacred Pancreas
Where he is crowned king of Bohemia, Bolivia,
Bulimia, Oz and the Land of Green Ginger;
Thence in stately procession to Capitol
Hill, where he is conducted to a massive
Guillotine and carefully sectioned into
Forty two equal-sized pieces. Each piece is
Interred separately but simultaneously
In different ceremonies with full military
Honors and a twenty one and a half gun
Salute in every major country of the
Globe. May he rest in peace and pieces until
The Day of Judgment when all souls will be called
Together to give account of their actions.

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