by Brian Eaton

Created on: April 08, 2008

The laws of Manhood are inviolable. I would like to say that they are handed down from father to son in a coming of age ceremony involving killing innocent little animals and eating them, wearing their skins and dancing around a campfire chanting manly saying. I would like to say that because that's so much cooler and manlier than the truth. The truth is that we're born with these laws seared into the very tissue of our mind.

In fact, it occurs to me that the only time men dance around fires chanting anymore is to get rid of the Man-laws. Group hugging is also prevalent at these meetings.

Back to the point, though. Women will read this and laugh because they can't believe that men are this stupid. Men, on the other hand, will probably hurt me because I'm giving away our secrets. Not that they're very secretive, but the Man-Police don't like squealers.

The Man-laws, are not "thou shalls" or "thou shalt nots." They don't have to be. The thoughts carved into our brains preclude breaking them.

The Man-laws: The starting point of the Man-laws is one, very simple concept. The concept of "I." All laws stem from this central point. It bears a very deep explanation. This is not "I" as in an indicator of who is speaking. This is a very egocentric "I." Most men truly believe that the world revolves around them, deep in their subconscious. This is due to the fact that the world actually does revolve around your basic man. Sorry, ladies, as a man myself, it is very hard to put this in writing. I'm not sure if a lack of empathy is a cause or a product of this deficiency in men's minds. Basically, we have a hard time seeing from another person's point of view, as all our senses point back towards us. Most things we see, we can affect, so we think that we are the major player in our own little story. Our world literally revolves around us and we confuse OUR world for THE world. I think that's the best way to explain it.

This is why we enjoy explosions, death, reality shows about "Animals Attacking Car Wrecks." And etcetera. Basically, suffering and violence is less of a problem to us than to women because the people who aren't having a good time are less important than us. Not that we're monsters, we just empathize less than women. That can be good. It can be good when umm look! A car wreck! Wasn't that cool?!

Now, on to more specific Man-laws.

"I am better than you": This is the man law that controls our relations with other men. Most men, upon meeting a new male in their

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