The Feelings of Guilt of a Stay at Home Mother

Guilt. It's a dreadful feeling. It insidiously permeates so many corners of my life and I continuously find myself rationalizing; dismissing or submitting to guilt. I remind myself of my firm beliefs that mothering is indeed a high calling; that devoting my life to nurturing our children is honorable and worthy of respect; that my role necessitates multi-skilling, multi-tasking and inexhaustible energy....yet the guilt niggles away at my self worth, over and over again.

Guilt and blame go hand in hand, don't they? My mind rages and I vehemently blame our society for the guilt that assuages me. Society doesn't measure success in clean laundry (or dirty laundry, but happy kids). Society asks for expanding investment portfolios, scaled corporate ladders and bulging pockets. Society applauds the leaders and the winners, particularly if they rise from the doldrums of a suburban household, on the crest of a wave of entrepreneurial genius.

Current Affairs programs thrive on stories of self made millionaire mums. Not content to waste away the years at home raising children, these women develop businesses or boldly venture into the property or stock markets. They are presented as icons, inspirational figures for the rest of us to emulate (and doesn't my husband wish I did follow in their footsteps?!). Without belittling or bemoaning the achievements of these amazing mothers, I do ask the question: Can a mother just be a mother, and be granted accolades for her successful life?

Perhaps if I had been a housewife in the fifties (as depicted in the movie "Mona Lisa Smile") I may have felt less guilt. Perhaps greeting my husband, on his return from work, with a delicious meal, a bright smile and beautifully dressed children would have given me a great sense of fulfillment and satisfaction (likewise pleasing the man of the house). Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

Unfortunately, on the rare occasions when my husband arrives home to a perfect scenario of domesticity, I am ready to escape. I have cleaned, cooked and cajoled with children all day long and just want space to myself, time to revisit the girl I once was before my identity was swallowed up by three little ones. Needless to say, this need to escape causes feelings of guilt.

I remind myself that this time at home is such a short phase of my life yet my attitude and efforts now have potentially huge implications on the whole of my children's lives. Now, I sacrifice financial gain, career, social life and personal interests, but these can all be resumed or reclaimed in future years. The precious moments of infancy and childhood are fleeting and can never be recaptured, once past. Our children may be our greatest legacy and I am so privileged to be able to devote my life fully to their upbringing.

Guilt be gone! This role I am filling may be exhausting, often thankless, seemingly futile and relentless, but it is absolutely vital to the survival and growth of three adorable children. Without a doubt, secure, well adjusted children are absolutely vital to the survival and growth of civilized society. Confident, contented, committed mothers can only make the world a better place. In doing so, I can hold my head high and expel guilty convictions forever.

Learn more about this author, Katelyn Vercoe.
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