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It wasn't until I became an adult that I fully understood how dysfunctional my childhood and teenage years had been. As children, we are able to adapt to very abnormal behaviors and except them as perfectly normal. It is not until we have matured that we can determine what is sound or rational behavior.

As a young child I was raised in church and had excepted Jesus as my savior. My dad at one time had even pastured a church. I am not sure just when changes began to take effect, or if the dysfunctions were always there, just hidden behind a veil of deception.

I remember my mother deciding to leave my dad when I was four years old. Except, it was all without his knowing anything was even wrong. When he was there, she was happy, from all appearances there were no problems at all. It was when he was at work, or gone somewhere that she would begin talking to me about about how she was going to leave my father and go back with her first husband.

She did leave him, taking me with her, all without saying a word. My father found us and brought us back home, never speaking a negative word about my mother or showing any anger at the situation..

At age twelve I had to face the death of my father. I didn't realize then what a strong and loving father he had been. My mother appeared to be devastated, I now know that was more of an act for appearance sake than true emotion. You see, my mother was a master manipulator, maneuvering each individual in her life to fit her own purpose.

Up until my fathers death he had dealt primarily with her emotional weaknesses and fragile mental state, but it was now my turn.

I now understand her thought process, albeit not her rational when it came to the decisions she made concerning me. She chose to be my buddy instead of mentoring parent. This being, in her way of thinking, the only path that would keep me under her thumb.

Being so young I thought my mom was cool, not only allowing me to smoke cigarettes, but taking me to bars where I was allowed to drink and party, all at the age of 13.

My sister and brother-in-law pastured a church at the time, approximately 250 miles away. Years later, my sister would explain to me how momma would call her, distraught at how wild I was becoming. Of course she failed to mention to my sister that she was the one allowing this behavior and even approving it.

During this time my sister began interceding for me in prayer. I know that through all of this God had his hand on me, because there are a thousand scenarios

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