Compatible? Why Men Marry Women Like Their Mothers.

You've heard the expression, "Men always marry their Mothers." It is more true than you realize.

How We Learn:

When we are infants, we generally spend most of our time with our Mothers, for obvious reasons. We start life as being 'physically suggestible' which in simple terms means that everything we learn we do so by; touching it, tasting it, hugging it, or if it's the cat, being scratched by it. As we grow we model our behavior, and our beliefs for the most part, on that of our primary maternal figure. As we begin to figure life out in our own minds and go off to school for the first time, our focus shifts somewhat and we look to our teacher as yet another role model. This new role model is almost co-parenting in this regard, since we accept his or her word that what we are being taught is so. Mother and this teacher are now the most important learning influences in our lives.

Progressing towards the ages of between 10 and 15 and becoming more independent, another shift in focus takes place and we are becoming more drawn to a paternal figure. More independence and less time spent at Mother's hem is allowing us to explore what else is happening in the family unit and the world around us. It is here we now see Mother from a different perspective. We still love her and trust what she teaches us, but Father has become the newer, more influential authority. These different stages of learning and the figures we look to now as we change and grow will become the more dominant influence to us as we grow into adulthood.

There are of course exceptions to this, since some parents are single for any number of reasons. In this case, you may have another role model such as an uncle or a cousin or maybe a Grandparent who is your unconscious substitution for the missing parent.

Why Opposites Attract:

It is the law of human nature that opposites attract, another expression you will no doubt have heard. It is here that the paternal role model's influence on us is now becoming evident. Look at any couple you know, they will be different in many ways and you'll often wonder how they even get along, or what they saw in each other in the first place. It is due to the maternal and paternal factor when growing up. Look at your parents and I am sure you will find that you could always get away with mischief with one of them more so than the other.

How is your Mother different to your Father? Which was the one more likely to pursue a hug from the other etc?

Unconsciously, as you are now taking a viewpoint of the world based on the personality traits of your paternal role model, it is only common sense to assume that when you find your own partner it will be a person who has a completely different personality than yours. From a therapy point of view, this is what is known as our 'sexual personality'. In relationships which have floundered and the couple has finally sought counseling, it is highly likely that after extensive conversation it will be discovered that both parties will have the same, or at least very similar sexual personalities. Problems can therefore arise and parties to the counseling must be educated in order to understand why there is a clash happening. It is more likely than not that these similarities are the cause of the marital conflict. Only when this is understood can there may be a more free flowing understanding and/or tolerance of one another's behavior.

So the reference to men marrying their Mothers, and little girls marrying their Fathers is really not such a mystery after all.

Think about it.

Learn more about this author, Kerry Mulherin.
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