by Grace Alexander

Created on: April 06, 2008   Last Updated: December 07, 2008

Self esteem is the easiest thing to lose and the hardest to regain. Repercussions from its loss can reach into every aspect of life, and recovery may take years. Many sufferers of low self esteem are survivors of childhood abuse resulting in a twisted self image. These victims of parental or spousal abuse are often left with an almost no sense of personal value, and will have the hardest battle to fight of all.

Survivors of physical abuse or sexual abuse often grapple with a lack of self worth for decades. People accustomed to being valued only for how useful they are to the other person's agenda will fail to demand decent treatment for themselves. If the abuse is different from that which they were accustomed to , i.e. verbal rather than physical, they may not even recognize it as abuse at all. The lack of self esteem keeps them from expecting any respect for themselves; they may not feel they deserve it, or even know what it should consist of. Relationships built on the need for attention, any kind of attention, can trap them into unhealthy alliances.

Mental and emotional abuse is harder to pinpoint, but can be just as destructive. A person who is constantly told they are worthless, stupid or ugly will eventually believe it. Their own inner voice will pick up the refrain and the abuse turns into a self-inflicted cycle. These people may function in relationships or the business world, but have a high level of stress stemming from a lack of self confidence and a tendency to doubt each decision they make. They constantly expect the worst, and may even sabotage themselves in both their personal and professional relationships.

The road to recovery may vary a little from case to case, but the end goal is the same. A balanced self esteem combined with a recognition of personal worth is vital to both successful relationships and a healthy emotional life.

The first step (and yes, there are steps!) is recognizing the issue of low self esteem and acknowledging its cause. This can be painful, and may require some intense self examination. Often those who should have been protectors were in fact perpetrators of abuse, and this may be hard to come to grips with. Reality may be shrouded in wrongfully placed guilt and self blame; events suffered as a child can be perceived at the time as deserved or even asked for.

Understanding the truth of the matter can be liberating. Placing the blame for the abuse squarely on the shoulders of the abuser can free the victim and allow them

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