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respected for other reasons. A minister, priest, rabbi, etc. tends to be respected for reasons other than their high intelligence or great skills. Unless you're a televangelist, you're not likely to be raking in the big bucks.

All of this is based on how the culture values careers and incomes (or net worth). A great family life is just icing on the cake and you won't lose too many points if that isn't working for you. Divorce is just as prevalent among the high rollers as it is among us peasants. Wealthy kids and poor kids both can have lots of problems.

So these models of success are omni-present from the cradle to the grave. We are shown every day in the news and in commercials exactly what it means to be successful. And even if you can't actually be successful, you can at least appear to be successful by going into debt to buy the right house, car, and wide-screen TV.

What we're really talking about here with the word "success," is values. We deem those successful who accept society's values and exemplify them in their lives. But those values are not written in stone and there are many people who are able to find contentment and even happiness by rejecting those values.

I remember talking to a UPS driver when I was working as a warehouse manager for a software distributor. He told me that he was a vice-president in a big company and was making lots of money. It just got to be too stressful and it wasn't any fun, so he became a UPS driver and was quite happy with his life. Was he more successful when he was an unhappy vice-president or when he was a UPS driver?

If personal satisfaction and feeling good about yourself are high on your list of values, you may not seek success as it is measured by society. And there is something else that has a huge effect on our values and the sense of what is important in life and what constitutes success.

One of the things I have learned by working with people with serious illnesses is that a life-threatening illness can quickly and dramatically change one's values and one's definition of success. One day, career and money are more important than anything else. Climbing the corporate ladder is what your life is all about.

The next day your doctor hands you a potential death sentence. All of a sudden, your values are turned upside down. The job and the money are instantly seen as meaningless, or certainly less meaningful. And in almost every case, the values that rise to the top in this crisis, are relationships with friends and family.

As I said at the top, it takes a lot of courage to determine what success means for you. It may mean ignoring the opinions of your entire culture. But I can tell you for certain, that when the chips are down, you will find that what gives meaning to your life, what is ultimately valuable to you, and what really means success is close and loving relationships. Without those, any other form of success really is meaningless.

Learn more about this author, Bob Trowbridge.
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