by Nan Einarson

Created on: April 06, 2008

Spanking, according to Wikipedia, is described as "the use of force to discipline". It also meets the description of physical abuse. When a frustrated or angry parent strikes, shakes or throws a child, physical injury can easily result. In past generations, the rule of "spare the rod and spoil the child" prevailed. In those days, children were "seen and not heard", and were treated as chattels - another body to do the family chores, and another wage earner to add to the family income. Spanking/slapping/hitting were considered acceptable means of communication and discipline.

That was then - this is now -

Those of us who received disciplinary spankings when we were kids have reacted in one of two ways: we have either modeled our parents' parenting styles and continue to use corporal punishment on our own children as a means of teaching them a lesson they won't forget; or, we have deliberately chosen not to copy our parents' disciplinary style and have found different techniques for helping our children to learn.

Research has proven that boys who witness and/or are victims of violence, physical and other forms of abuse, learn that it is OK to be physically, emotionally and/or verbally abusive of others. Girls who personally experience and/or witness their mothers being physically, emotionally,or verbally abused, interpret that it is OK for women to accept abuse, particularly from men. Not all abuse victims will become abusers, however, all abusers experienced abuse as children.

So the question burns - how can parents discipline their children without resorting to spanking and/or other forms of abuse?

I am a mother of two adult children (a daughter,aged 34 and married, and a son,aged 31 and engaged), and am grandmother to two grandsons - (aged 2 1/2 and 4 months). When our daughter married in 2002, I was her Matron of Honour. Our son-in-law is like a second son to us. My husband and I have been very happily married since 1970. People ask us for our secret, and tell us they want their family life to be like ours. Spanking has never been an acceptable disciplinary tool for any of us. We demonstrate respect for one another at all times, including the children and grandchildren. Our children and grandchildren have never been "seen and not heard". They are very much heard, and their thoughts and opinions are acknowledged and valued.

I have always preferred to think in terms of prevention, rather than wait until discipline is necessary. We have always taught our children

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