by Karen Banes

Created on: April 05, 2008

It's important to remember that a toddler having a tantrum is the most natural thing in the world. Child psychologists will have much more concern for a toddler who seems overly quiet and withdrawn and unable to express his emotions than they will have for a child who regularly has tantrums. However, just because it's a natural part of toddlerhood doesn't make it any less upsetting for the parent. Tantrums can't be eliminated but there are some useful ways to avoid them.

Minimize frustration. A common reason for toddler tantrums is that your child is frustrated with his own inability to do something that he just isn't ready for yet. Sometimes quite a simple change can really help to avoid those tantrums. Velcro straps or slip on shoes will avoid the frustration of not being able to tie his own shoelaces. Buying clothes that are easy for him to put on (minimal zippers, ties and buttons) will enable him to have a certain amount of independence with dressing, undressing and using the potty.

Maximize communication. Another common cause of tantrums is that toddlers often have quite complicated desires that they are just not able to articulate as yet. There's not a lot you can do to accelerate your child's verbal communication skills, but communicating clearly with him will certainly help. Talk to him about what you are doing and what your plans for the day are in ways he can understand, so he knows what to expect. Make instructions or requests simple and direct. Take time to really listen to what your toddler is saying to you and learn to look for non-verbal clues as well. Mothers who sign' with their babies from a very young age report less tantrums as babies grow into toddlers simply because they are able to communicate their needs more easily.

Avoid tantrum hotspots. It amazes me how many mothers continue to return to a place or situation that they know is going to trigger a tantrum. If your toddler throws a tantrum every time you pass a toy or sweet shop, simply avoid the shop. If you know he gets over-tired and needs to be home for a nap at a certain time, plan your day around it. Of course there will be times when it's just not possible but whenever you can simply don't put yourself in a position that you know is likely to cause problems.

Use distraction. Most mothers become adept at spotting a tantrum about to happen. If you can do this, jump in with distraction before your child has time to work themselves up. Sometimes an "Oh look at the birds out there," or

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