by Leslie Coleman

Created on: April 05, 2008

Break the cycle.

Adult children of domestic violence will either battle the demons associated with this category of child abuse, or fall victim to the continuing cycle.

When we consider that the child is powerless during these violent episodes, confined to the place (house, auto), unable to escape we begin to understand how and why the effects of these experiences cut deep and last a lifetime.

"The early years of a child's life are crucial for cognitive, social and emotional development."* During a period when every step necessary should be taken to ensure that a child's environment is safe, loving and secure, children of domestic violence are burdened with the task of finding a way to cope in the midst of frightening chaos.

How a child coped years ago is often the key to unraveling the effects that emerge later. Feeling unsafe and abandoned, an empty space develops where security, self-esteem and trust should have flourished. That void opens the door for addictions in later years. Anger, food, codependency, and substance abuse are among the methods used to fill that vacancy. These coping mechanisms that numb pain and freeze feelings become the demons. Without intervention the dysfunction will pass down generation after generation.

Intervention

Can be a private study of the subject; browsing the library or bookstore's self-help section on the subject.
Can be anonymous. 12 step programs (CODA = codependency) (ACOA = adult children of alcoholics) provide a sound and established path back to self-love and peaceful sanity.
Can be provided by a licensed counselor. Mental health professionals that offer domestic violence group sessions usually possess specialized education dealing with this core issue.

It was quite by accident when my own childhood terrors reared their ugly head. I was 39 years old, unhappily married to a 2nd verbally abusive husband, and primarily concerned about being a good mother to my three young children. Denial and codependency were my coping methods.

A good example of my denial was how I would describe my Father (sweet & loving) and my Mother (strict & controlling). I was oblivious to the fact that I had chosen partners with similar characteristics to my own family (the cycle) but I was busily trying to make it all work (the codependency).

Only because the therapist promised to help my marriage, did I reluctantly agree to join an 18 week codependency therapy group. (I was certain that I wasn't codependent, but I was game for anything that might

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