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Deciding on when enough is enough is not an easy task, when you find yourself constantly picking up the pieces for siblings lives. Of course the circumstances that caused you to assume this role are important in the time frame. Is your sibling mentally or physically handicapped or is your sibling just doing his thing and has become comfortable with you fixing his problems for him?

We start out in roles of family bonding. As an older child, you are taught to look after your younger sibling, to lead by example. As a younger sibling, you strive to be equal to the older ones. There is always at least a type of competition between siblings, mostly for parents' approval. Eventually there will be a supposed leader of the pack, one sibling who emerges as the go to person. Maybe this sibling enjoys being the one in control, but circumstances may place him there beyond his control.

My mother had her favorite of my siblings, and it was not me. Yet, when her favorite showed signs of alcoholism, she came to me imploring that I talk to him. I was the middle child, he was the next to the oldest. She did not want to lose favor with him by discussing the situation. I admit I was a little honored to be chosen, but did not fully understand how this role would impact my future.

We all want to be there for our siblings to help out from time to time because life can be cruel and family is supposed offer unconditional love. Yet, in some situations this unconditional love can drain the life out of you. You soon put your own life, finances and sanity on the line to once again pick up pieces of a sibling's constantly irresponsible choice of actions. You must learn how to separate real needs from self irresponsible actions. Siblings begin to demand your help and often times they forget the hundreds of times you came to their aid in the past. They resent your interference even when they are calling on you.

In my situation, I did come to the aid of my older brother at the request of my mother. I watched over him, I bailed him out, I loaned him money, I pleaded, I cried and I at one point physically restrained him to keep him from driving intoxicated. This continued for 10 years until in a drunken stupor he verbally attacked my wife. This drew the final line. He refused to change his behavior, my mother enabled his behavior while still expecting me to pick of the pieces. I had to come to terms with my aiding him was not helping him at all, but rather destroying me. Once I made this decision, my existence in the family was not needed. My other siblings, this particular brother and my own mother felt my resistance was due to the verbal altercation with my wife. While that was the turning point, she was definitely innocent in this decision. I decided the other siblings needed to take over for a change. It has been 15 years, I remain estranged from the family, my older brother has divorced twice (always the wife's fault of course). He still has a drinking problem, has one by one estranged the rest of my siblings and my mother still enables him.

Deciding when to quit picking up the pieces is an individual's choice to make. It does not make heroes out of you. It can destroy you. While everyone needs a helping hand sometimes in life, constantly picking up after the same individual signifies a deeper problem that you are most likely not qualified to solve.

Learn more about this author, Madison Briggs.
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