by Shirley Norling

Created on: April 04, 2008   Last Updated: August 14, 2011

Approximately ten years ago, my self-esteem was at an all time low. I had lost my job and literally fell from the top of the ladder to the deepest, darkest dungeon, one could possibly imagine. I will not go into the specifics of that situation, but I will tell you that it was not only an embarrassment to me, it also had a traumatic effect on my family and other relationships with friends and coworkers.

The process of recovering was long, slow, and of course very embarrassing. I had absolutely no self-esteem left. We went from being an active social couple, to me not wanting to leave the house, or even answer the telephone, for fear of being ridiculed.

The incident caused a lack of income for my family, so I was forced to pick up temporary jobs from an employment agency to keep us going. I went from one location to another, wherever the agency would send me. I went from working 6 blocks from home to sometimes 40 miles away. I refused to shop locally, go to our local church  which I had attended for years, or do anything else that involved direct contact with anyone, other then my family.

Life must go on, though. The "pity party" can only last so long. I needed to pick myself up, brush myself off, and start all over again. When God closes a door, he usually opens a window, in his own time, that is.

Here are some of the steps I took to try and recover and gain some self-esteem back.

1. I needed to try and make the wrong, right

In other words, I needed to pay the consequences for my actions and make amends to anyone I may have hurt. I did do that I feel, even though it took time.

2. I went to counseling

 In my opinion, that was the most important step in the road to recovery process for me. I had never heard the word "codependent" before but when I looked in the mirror  the codependent looked right back at me. That was me, always trying to take care of someone else, and solve the world's problems, before I looked at the overall picture. My addictive business partner needed to take care of her own needs. I couldn't always be there to make it right and make her happy, even though she was the major financial contributor to the business I was working in. She had to be responsible for her own actions. I had the tendency to do that at home too, always trying to fix things and make everyone happy.

3. After making my "wrongs" right  the best I could, I turned my life in a whole new direction

At the age of over 50, I went to the local community college

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