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Hello, my name is Chris, and I'm an alcoholic.

Wait, I'm not in the right room? Well, that's ok, I've got other issues I can work out while I'm here.

Take, for instance, my current addiction to American Idol.

I hate the fact that I must watch the show every week, every minute, for the past seven years. Every year I'm convinced that I won't be tuning in, but, like a bad habit, my fingers manipulate the remote, and I'm stuck on Fox until May.

This year, my anger towards Idol is pointed in the direction of one contestant. He would be, Jason Castro.

I'm not angry because he looks like a raging hippie. I'm not angry because his dreds look like something my girlfriend's cat puked up the other night. I actually applaud Jason for daring to be different, break away from the cookie cutter Idol look.

Jason is a unique contestant, we've never seen anything like him. David Cook reminds us of that Daughtry fellow, the fidget/midget 16 year old prodigy reminds us of every VH1 Documentary on child prodigies that will eventually crash and burn and die naked with a bunch of strippers, and Kristy Lee Cook fills the "dumb blond Idol" role for this season.

I'm not angry at Jason because he's a way better guitarist than I could ever be; Guitar Hero save me.

I don't think I'm actually mad at Jason, just at the "Idol Powers That Be".

Shame them for promoting rampant drug use.

People cry out for drug testing in the game of baseball, well I'm calling for a weekly drug test on Jason Castro. I've never seen anyone in a constant perpetual state of "highness" like this kid.

The boy looks like an extra from a most excellent Bill and Ted adventure film.

Take a good look at Jason, and then tell me with a straight face, that this boy doesn't have a bong pipe surgically attached to his spleen, via a guitar string or two.

I'm rooting against Jason Castro, because he's sending the wrong message to the youth of America.

No, not that he's promoting the use of drugs. He's sending a totally different message;

Jason Castro is boldly stating; "Pot Heads can be fully functioning and grand contributors to our culture".

Vote him off.

Learn more about this author, Chris Lima.
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