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Nobody can predict how you will act when you have caught a loved one in an act of indiscretion. It is an immensely private and personal event. You don't know what you're going to do. So there is no one good answer. You have to look inside of yourself and make your best decision.

Be wary of anybody who gives you advice to "always leave him" or "always forgive him". This isn't a case where "always" is ever the right answer.

There are at least three things to consider in your response. I call them the Three C's:

CAUSE:
Why did the indiscretion happen in the first place? Was it as much your fault as his? Did you give him signals that said that you weren't interested in the relationship? Are you as guilty as he is? It's very possible that he's simply a jerk and it's entirely his fault. But don't start with that assumption.

CURE:
Can the relationship be saved? Would professional counseling help? Can you talk out your problems? If there is no hope for reform, then you may have to take drastic action. But leave open the possibility that he has learned his lesson. And will change.

CONSEQUENCES:
What will happen if you leave? What will happen if you stay? Are you better off with him or without him? Are there children or other family members that will be affected? This is the hardest one of all. And it's the one that proves that there is no one answer that works in every case. Be open-minded. Consider all the possibilities - no matter how absurd. You never know what might happen that you had never thought of.

Only after a careful consideration of all the facts and all the alternatives can you decide the best thing to do.

Learn more about this author, Joe DeShon.
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