by Yu Ming Lui

Created on: April 03, 2008

The divorce papers have all been signed, it's over, and you feel like you're ready for a new life and you truly want to move on. Dating again makes you feel nervous because you've never dated with children in the background and it's been several years since you were in this headspace.

Here are six practical tips on how to date after divorce:

Kick out the good girl.,/b

> You may feel some pressure to fulfill a certain role as a single mom, but it's your right to date whomever and however you wish. Give yourself a break your divorce is finally over and it's time to taste the freedom.

Don't show all your cards. Your kids may be a huge part of your life but it's not necessary to reveal everything on the first date. If you think there's potential for your new friend to become someone more special, then it'll be worth laying out whatever you have on the table.

Take it easy. You may have found someone you like hanging out with but don't expect to give or receive serious commitment, especially as a surrogate parent to your kids. Ease him and your kids slowly into this new concept of having someone else in the picture.

Don't hide behind your kids. Dating again is a scary experience but don't use your kids as an excuse to turn down that weekend getaway. All relationships involve risk, so if you like this guy, go for it.

Get organized. It's a delicate balance to give yourself a social life and your children's needs. Yes, take chances, but decide in your mind, who and when are more important. For example, you could alternate Saturdays with the kids and him.

Keep your focus. If you're out on a date, make sure you're there 100 per cent. Don't keep talking about your children or check on them every hour now that's a real deal breaker. Tell yourself three anecdotes are the absolute max and force yourself to talk about other things you're more than just a mother.

Expect your kids to hate him. He may seem like a perfectly nice, normal guy but your children are horrible to him. Remind yourself that it's just the idea of him that make them behave like that. They would probably be jealous of the time you spend with him. Just be honest with your kids and say you need friends too and like to spend time with people outside the family. If you let your kids control you, you have no hope of forging a new relationship with someone else.

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