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study go and I still to this day crave going back to school. Trying to revive some of the most happy times in my life, I think. However, even in the midst of my functioning highly I was always holding back that onslaught of crazy. Even then I was prone to lashing out with a cruelly insightful tongue at people when I did not like them. I spent money like I was a millionaire, I would stay awake for days on end or sleep only a few hours a night so that I could fit in all of my pursuits. So much to write and paint and talk about no time for sleep.. My body didn't want it anyway. It was during times like these where I felt my mania bordered on creative genius. And I would venture to say that I knew it, more than I felt it. It takes a lot to call yourself a genius. I know it's something people like to call others down for, but I am not here to prove my intelligence, just to debate its relativity to my mental illness.

All of my life I heard "you're too smart for your own good" and wondered what it meant. How could intelligence be a bad thing? I had always been in gifted classes even as an elementary school child and knew that I was supposed to feel pride about that.. So why was being smart a problem? As I got older I started to interpret it to mean that I was smart enough to have a full grasp on the problems of the world, and yet unable to do much about it. I called it the burden of knowledge. The more I learned the more the world made sense to me. All of the pieces that leave people wondering filled in. And as they filled in and the world made sense and presented itself to me as it is.. The more I got irritated with everyone else for their blissful ignorance. I knew that some of the problems of society would not be so rampant if it were not for their heads being in the sand. Distracted by big shiny SUV's and reality TV on 500 channels. It was when I started voicing these opinions that people started to question my sanity. I guess I can understand why they did, people just do not understand different. They do not understand progressive thinking. And more than that, it forces them to think about themselves. It forces them to think thoughts that they would rather not have to, and that makes people uncomfortable. They wonder "what if there really is a decline in society and it could all come to an end one day. If this crazy person is right then everything that I care about and paid so much for could be gone.. But she can't be right. She must be crazy."

I would watch the

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