by E.M.Robinson

Created on: April 01, 2008   Last Updated: April 29, 2011

Even in the happiest marriages, that special spark that you had when you were dating is well worth keeping alive. That feeling of wanting to be with each other can carry you through even the most difficult times.

Here are some ways to bring back the feeling of specialness that you have when you are dating:

1. Buy yourself a new outfit to wear when the two of you go out. Let your spouse know that you bought it just for you special night-especially if it is something you know your spouse would love to see you in again: a favorite color, a favorite cut of jacket or sweater, etc.

2. Try a new fragrance - or- wear the one your spouse liked so many years ago that you have not worn in years.

3. Guys- opening doors is still a great way to impress a lady.

4. Use your spouse's first name when you talk. Too often, married people talk to each other without ever calling each other by name.

5. Take your husband's arm as you walk down the street. Take your wife's hand or put your arm around her if you are sitting in a theater or you are walking together.

When you were dating, you probably put more effort into getting to know your date. Even if you feel like this is a role play, that's fine, because it can be fun. After all, as much as you think you know your spouse, you may be in for some surprises. Ask your spouse leading questions to encourage him or her to talk about himself or herself. The only thing you need to remember, however, is that if you ask your spouse a question, he or she may ask the same of you.

What might be some fun, dating questions? Here are a few. Add some of your own.

1. What was the best vacation you ever took?

2. If you could spend time with any famous person, who would it be?

3. What are some places you want to visit in your lifetime?

4. If you can take a trip right now to any country, what would it be? Why?

5. If you had the skills and education to have any career, what would it be?

These questions border on the Newlywed Game- minus the embarrassment- but you might learn something and, hopefully, you will have the chance to reveal something about yourself as well.

Dating is all about listening to each other to get to know your date better. You can still do that, even after years of marriage. In dating, we put our "best foot forward" to make that favorable impression. That is still worth working at.

Recreating that dating excitement does not have to be limited to going out on a date. Think of all the things your spouse would appreciate in the course of the week. Perhaps a quick phone call to say, "I am thinking of you." Maybe an alluring text message is the way to go.

A small gift can be appreciated, even if it is a single flower, a favorite candy, or a magazine you saw at the newsstand and that made you want to get it for your spouse because it looked like something your spouse would like to read.

In dating, we pause to enjoy a moment. Take time to do that with your spouse as well. In dating, we pause in the car before going inside our house or apartment. You can do that again. We pause to look at each other or to notice a beautiful sunset or to point out an unusual cloud formation, or to pick up an interesting seashell. Try doing that again - because you care.

You can find time to create those brief moments, those suggestive glances, those open ended responses that suggest possibilities.

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