by Nicholas Cockayne

Created on: March 31, 2008

Ever get the overwhelming urge to run your own country? Do you ever feel that everyone else is a fool and only you, and you alone, know what is good for the world? Ever feel the need to erect lots of statues of yourself?

If you answer yes to any of these questions, then there's a good chance that you're turning into a dictator. Hitler, Saddam, Stalin, Castro . . . and now, you. Here are five simple signs to look out for if you're worried you might be turning into a dictator.

The Five Dictator Warning Signs

1. Absolute power, corrupts absolutely.
Power is a seductive mistress, an addictive thrill, one taste and you're left thirsting for more. And with power comes the urge to conform the world to your whim, to bend reality to your designs, to forge your own heaven! As the old saying goes: absolute power corrupts absolutely. And you want that power! You want to control absolutely everything! One day you might be standing on the platform in the rain, waiting for a train which is a little late, the next you've vowed to make the trains run on time; not just your train, but all the trains in the country, all the trains in the world if you can get your hands on them! It happens. Just look at poor old Mussolini.

You have the power. You are the law!:
When you get into an argument or debate you see it a little differently from normal people. Most people recognise that whoever they're arguing with has a different point of view from themselves. Not you. When someone disagrees with you they're not just expressing their point of view, they're sowing the seeds of sedition, they're undermining civil stability and spreading enemy propaganda, they're practically begging to be taken out behind the chemical sheds and shot. Dictatorship here you come.

2. Genocide: It's not all bad, is it?
One of the tell tale signs that you're becoming a dictator is when genocide no longer looks quite so bad. I mean ok, you still don't think it's a good thing per say, but you start to think it has it's uses. Those folks not too keen on towing the party line? Genocide - it's probably for the best in the long run. The more the potential dictator thinks about it, the better genocide seems. Never much liked the French? Genocide. The skin tone/hair colour/traditional clothes of that ethnic grouping not matching the colour scheme your designer recommended for that bit of desert? Genocide. Annoyed by old people? Genocide. Squirrels stealing all the nuts? Genocide. It's a slippery slope to dictatorship.

3. Groupies
Every

• 1
• 2
• Next Page >>