4 of 45

Write now Article Tools

I chose to be a pagan. If I think about it now, being a pagan was not a whimsical decision; it grew upon me out of nowhere, it was an existential decision.

But to set things straight, I used to be of another faith. I'm a born catholic: meaning my mother was a catholic, so in giving birth to me she had me baptized and in legal paper terms, I would be catholic for life. Most born Catholics' are not most ardent of worshippers of the Roman Catholic faith, in fact, you would most likely to catch them nodding off in the pews on early Sunday mornings. So you can imagine me being one of those who'd be bored out of their mind. At the age of fifteen, I stopped going to Church, because my mother couldn't be bothered to wake me up at six in the morning.

I would have thought that after all this while; I didn't need to depend on religious help to trudge through the days of my weary life. But I found things dimmer than usual as if the spark of life that I was used to seeing around me, had flared out and died. I felt empty, I needed to fill that spiritual gap with something that interested me and held me out in times of crisis.

Looking at the options around me, I found that most of the mainstream religions were pretty dogmatic in the terms they set out for the people to follow, which I found very hard to follow without concrete reasons for their enforcement. So I did something unthinkable in my society, I started to create my own set of beliefs based on the values I had for myself. I started to create my own gods based on the elements in nature. This choice to start off anew was a rebellious calling at first, but then it grew into something more than that. I started to become more immersed in it, because deep down I still truly believe that these gods really exist, and due to my own claim that they were my own gods, it fell upon me as a duty to keep their culture and essence alive.

I soon discovered that my own brand of spirituality took on similarities to the gods of yore. The nature deities and all the other gods in between, I took some of their concepts and made it my own. Hell yeah, it sounds like plagiarism but who cares, as long as it worked for me. I even gave my faith its own name Vennaar'. The word popped into my head during one of my meditation rituals and though it sounds like gibberish, to me the word means follower of forgotten ways'. I find that my subconscious has this treasure chest of ideas and beliefs that it will slowly teach me over time when I'm ready to accept them. I've not confined myself to just creating stuff out of the blue though. I've made sure to read up on ancient esoteric practices around the world, like taroting, hoodoo, reiki, pranic healing and even black magic practices in the south east asian countries around and in Singapore. I've also taken to parapsychology and pseudo psychology to expand the beliefs of what would fit into my faith.

Some might argue that what I just did is not paganism at all, that my beliefs have no basis in reality. All I can shoot back is that your beliefs have no basis in reality either and leave at that. At the end of it all, I am happy with how I've progressed, from being a wanderer, to someone with spiritual beliefs. Although the road I've taken is somewhere far off the beaten path, I hope to reach enlightenment, and being a pagan right now is the way to go.

Learn more about this author, Chris Fok.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about Testimonies: Why I am Pagan?
We want to hear your view. Write now!