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When you talk about family decisions, you are talking about things that theoretically affect the "whole" family. While this may seem very obvious to say, it is important to note when discussing this question. By nature we tend to look at things from our own point of view. In addition, we are often concerned first with our own needs. This is not to say that we are unable to consider the needs of others, because countless people consider the needs of others every day. But, we must remember that family decisions are about ALL of the family and we must strive to consider each need and how decisions will affect them both in the short run and in the long run. Here are a few reasons why children should have a say in family decisions.

WHAT IS "SAY"?

We do have to begin by defining the word "say" in this particular context. Giving a person a say does not mean that they are going to make the decision themselves or strongly dictate the outcome. In many situations I believe that children should have a say but much depends on the age of the children and the depth of the decision. Regardless of how this is defined, parents should solicit the thoughts of their children whenever possible.

TALK THINGS THROUGH

The reason that this is important is that it is always important to talk things through. The family is a team, and making team decisions can strengthen the family and help the children feel like their parents care about their feelings and viewpoints. Again, I have to offer a big caveat that I recognize some decisions are beyond the cognitive ability and "big picture" perspective of children at different stages. If you are pondering whether to buy a house, you will not necessarily consult your two-year-old to make sure they are happy with the financial arrangements and the escrow documents.

Overall, dialogue is extremely important in the family. This has a direct connection to family decision-making, which is ideally done as a family unit. Sometimes parents have to withhold information for a time or they may have to reserve "veto" power. But, even in those circumstances parents should try to solicit the feelings and viewpoints of their children. Even if the children do not have direct input on the decision, the parents have some sense of what they might deal with after the decision is made and announced.

Learn more about this author, Todd Pheifer.
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