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Personal values are our own accepted standards for governing what is right and wrong. They guide us in our decision-making about any and all activities. In short, personal values define who and what we are.

If we are not consistent in what we see as the right thing to do, we become a drifter and sometimes take on the values of whoever we happen to be with, even when we know deep inside it is wrong. That is what happened to me.

As many women have, I once compromised my personal values to fit in with a man whom I believed to be Mr. Right. I met him through a friend and I was smitten from the first hello.

He was the sweetest, coolest, best looking and most eligible man in town and my head was turned when he paid attention to me. We went to a few movies and had dinner a few times, laughed constantly and soon became an item.

I never told him I didn't like ugly jokes, crude language or drinking. It just didn't come up until he invited me to go dancing with him and another couple. He said I didn't have to drink to have a good time and I hesitated for only a few seconds before hushing my inner voice and quickly agreeing.

We went to a local bar that had a live band, pool tables and a small dance floor. I felt out of place the moment we entered the crowded room. The air was filled with the smell of alcohol and a thick smoky haze hung over everything.

The music was good and we danced a lot but as the night worn on, he started to shoot pool and I was left sitting at a table alone. One of my date's so-called friends tried to get too friendly with me and seemed puzzled when he was rebuffed. That's when it hit me; the realization that I did not belong here.

From every direction came crude language, sexual innuendos and dirty jokes. On the table I sat at, someone started a pyramid of empty beer cans that toppled over and brought forth raunchy peals of laughter. The table was wet from spilled drinks and the stench from the overflowing ashtrays was horrendous.

It didn't matter that I was not smoking or drinking. It didn't matter that I cringed at the vulgarity on the dance floor. It didn't matter that my ears actually recoiled from the language I was hearing. No one cared about any of this or even noticed. By simply being there, I gave my assent to it all.

What did matter was that I had let my guard down and was in a place where this was common behavior. I might as well have joined in. My values were not honored there and were left at the door when I entered of my own free will.

I remembered three valuable sayings as I sat there that night; "Birds of a feather flock together.", "You are known by the company you keep." and "To thine own self be true." I had known these sayings all my life, but never stopped to consider what they really meant.

I hated telling him good-bye. He was such a sweet and funny guy. But we had no common ground on which to build a relationship. Our personal values where worlds apart. I don't say his were wrong, only that they were wrong for who I am and who I want to be.

We each must choose the values that are important to us. Once chosen, they should become a living, breathing part of us and never be compromised. They speak louder than our words about who we are and what we stand for. Which brings me to another of my favorite sayings: If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

Learn more about this author, Pamela Kay.
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