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I Literally Died

The other day I was eating lunch at a small restaurant when I overheard the young woman at the next table say to her friend, "and when she said that to me, I literally died!" Noticing that she was in fact still alive, I couldn't resist the temptation to lean over and say, "I am terribly sorry about your loss." She sat in a blinking stupor for a couple seconds before resuming her conversation.

I am sorry, but this use of the word literally, pushed me over the edge. Notice that I didn't say literally pushed me over the edge, in which case I would literally be dead by going over the literal edge. Literally. Everywhere I go I hear this term being thrown about recklessly. Like the sportscaster who says, "that guy literally gave 110 percent on the field." Huh? Don't even get me started on the 110% people. They obviously never passed fourth grade math.

Anyway, something needs to be done about this "literally" thing. It is bad enough when literally is used on its' own, but combine it with another absurd statement and the results could be deadly. Consider this the next time you hear your boss say, "I literally need that project done yesterday." Trying to wrap your mind around that statement could cause your head to explode. Literally.

But by far the most disturbing use of this word occurs on your nightly news, when the reporter, in an effort to convey the weight of their message, can be heard saying things such as, "for these people, it is literally the end of the world," or "recent budget cuts have literally turned the school system upside-down." What? Hearing something like this gives me a headache. How, exactly do you turn a school system upside-down? Do you grab it by the ankles and flip it over. If so would the ankles represent the teachers or the students.

Maybe I am taking this issue too seriously. Perhaps if I adopt this term into my writing it would make me a better columnist. I could say things like, "I literally went ballistic" or "she literally came unglued" or "he punched that guy so hard, he literally knocked him into next week." On second thought, I should probably try harder not to let it bother me. No doubt, it will take a lot of effort on my part, about 110 percent's worth.

Learn more about this author, Daniel Vincent.
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