6 of 46

Write now Article Tools

Green Bean Casserole

At last, a weekend off! Just going to kick back and do nothing. My mother-in-law has the Thanksgiving feast well under control. Plenty of help there. Surprisingly, I was asked to do very little. I only had one small chore to complete, not much of anything really, and I'm home free.

"Honey," my wife asked, "could you make a run to the supermarket and get the green beans for the casserole?"

I wait for more...but that's it. That's all she needed me to do. I wait another moment anyway, head cocked slightly to the side like a dog trying to understand why my role is so simple. She walked away and I was delighted to perform this simple task.

"Why certainly," I said cheerfully, "I will be glad to pick up the green beans for you," and off I went, proud to be of service, (but not too much service), and pleased to be the hero once more, delivering salvation in the form of the green bean casserole.

Somewhere between my house and the supermarket parking lot, I was fairly positive I hadn't run off the road at any time, nor had a fatal head on collision with anyone. But somehow, as I arrived in the parking lot, there was Hell! It's not flames and fire and all that brimstone stuff they always said it would be. No, I assure you, Hell is the near bumper car experience one finds them self in trying to find a parking spot on a Thanksgiving weekend.

There now, I found one! But so did she! We stare at each other through windshields, I wave her off, she gives me the finger, and I'm off finding another spot. Apparently my parking lot sign language sucks.

Ok, there's another! I honk, he honks, my horn falls short and I'm looking again at another bumper in my spot! I guess "he who honks loudest"...I don't know.

Eventually I give in and take one of many vacant parking spots farthest away from the front door. Other's drive by me on my long journey across the cars as if to say, "What a loser, that's the best you could do! I'm gonna keep driving around for the next twenty minutes if I have to before I settle for 'that' parking spot." Indeed, they will. Did you know it only takes five minutes or less to walk from the farthest parking spot to the front door? I must be missing something. Perhaps I too, should get back in my car and drive the circle of death around the parked cars until I reach the appropriate amount of laps required to cause a car to give up it's prime spot? I guess I'm just a rookie at this. The green beans await. I must continue.

I enter sliding glass doors

• 1
• 2
• next page >>

Add your voice

Know something about Satire: Culture?
We want to hear your view. Write now!