30 of 44

Write now Article Tools

A Letter to My Younger Sisters As New Mothers

Since you've both become mothers, I haven't shared many of the things I've learned about parenting-and living-that have influenced and inspired me. I know I've dropped bits of information and tips here and there, but I've been cautious because I believe that mothers' choices are sacred even when those choices wouldn't work for me and my child. In this letter I offer the information I wish someone had shared with me.

First, I offer several bits of wisdom that I keep in mind when choosing how to be with my daughter.

Follow your instinct above logic, yours or anyone else's.

Respond to your child's needs as they arise in the present moment.

Avoid doing things to your child that are controlling or coercive, as in the Golden Rule.

Respect your child as an individual, and treat him as you would a friend.

When my daughter was born, I realized that she was the most important thing in the world to me, so I wanted to make the best choices possible for her. I had some ideas about what kind of mother I wanted to be, affectionate and positive, and a good role model and teacher. It wasn't long after her birth that I was faced with situations in which my feelings and thoughts were at odds. I resolved to never act against my instincts just because I understood the logic of certain practices-anything that would fall into the "baby training" category.

During my pregnancy, I realized that I was not comfortable with many of the mainstream parenting practices in our culture, so I began to study the ways people rear their children in other cultures around the world. From my studies, I collected practices and approaches that felt right to me. I decided that a tribal culture is the most appropriate way of life for us, so I now do my best to provide this experience to my daughter given the limitations of living in an adult-oriented, convenience-oriented society.

Here's what we did when my daughter was a small baby, before she could crawl. To most easily and effectively meet her needs, I wore her in a sling or backpack during the day, and slept next to her at night. She breastfed and napped whenever she needed without ever leaving the sling. I went wherever I wanted, and did whatever I wanted. I think this constant closeness in the early months was a necessary transition for my daughter from the womb into the world.

One of the first things I learned about raising a baby was that I didn't need (or want) many of the baby products that are advertised

• 1
• 2
• 3
• next page >>

Add your voice

Know something about Essays: Parenting?
We want to hear your view. Write now!