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The Nature of Girls and Boys

"During about a quarter century," says Michael Gurian in The Wonder of Girls, "from about 1965 to about 1990, our society engaged in what is surely one of the most interesting social illusions in human history: that sex differences in neurology, temperament, psychology, biochemistry, and physiology, didn't matter much." As a result of this illusion, many parents sought to raise their girls and boys as if they were the same so neither's potential would be limited by cultural gender stereotypes.

"Political perspectives," says Dr. Gurian in The Wonder of Boys, "squashed dialogue about biological tendencies in boys and girls. Our parents and communities were not allowed the simple information our ancestors had always known-that boys and girls have been wired differently for millions of years and need special, gender-specific attention."

The dialogue has been reopened. Science has made discoveries in male and female biology that help us understand each other better than ever. We, as parents, can use this knowledge of the way our children's brains, hormones, and physiological development affect their lives to better understand them and to more appropriately meet their needs.

It is important to protect our children from stereotypical molds, but it is also important to respect their true natures. The fact that girls, in general, talk more, and boys, in general, are more physical is more the result of biology than socialization. We have been designed through evolution to relate to the world in gender-specific ways.

"There is hardly an area of the brain," says Dr. Gurian, "where from very young ages we don't see girls emerging somewhat different from boys, and these differences appear in studies on all continents, in all cultures." Parents, teachers, and other child care providers can develop different approaches for boys and girls so neither's potential will be limited by the lingering illusion that sex doesn't matter.

Girls and boys each go through a stage in which they gender identify-they try on their gender by exaggerating it. This is a natural developmental stage. Treating boys and girls in the same way will not stop this from happening.

Gender stereotypes are often blamed for losses of self-esteem during girls' adolescence, but more likely it is a natural response to her rapidly growing brain and her attempt to manage adult emotions. Many of the things we initially suspect to be the result of socialization or cultural gender stereotypes, are actually part of a natural stage of brain development, or are the result of gender-related needs not being met, such as interdependence rather than independence for girls.

Both girls and boys need to be allowed to be who they are regardless of our culture's idea of who they should be. We can challenge gender stereotypes, both patriarchal and feminist, by honoring our children's true natures, and we can learn about how our children's brains affect their lives so we give them the support they need to grow into healthy adults.

Learn more about this author, Sara Mcgrath.
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