by Christina Rivas

Created on: March 30, 2008

I am a very firm believer in maintaining an open and honest relationship with my husband. Early on in our relationship we decided that we would never keep secrets from one another, no matter how insignificant we might think the information is.

The way that I look at it is this, secrets always have a way of coming out one way or another. Personally i believe that it would be better to tell your spouse yourself, rather than have it leak out some other way.

Just imagine for a minute that you and your spouse decide that you want to have a few of your friends over for a little gathering. now lets say that one of your close friends happens to know you very well, which also happens to mean that they may know a few details about your romantic past.

Now lets say for example that you leave the room for a moment, whether it is to get a drink or to go to the bathroom or whatever else you may have to leave the room for. This would mean that your husband and said friend, would have the opportunity to speak without the benefit of your presence.

If you had not told your husband a particular story about your romantic past and that friend decided for the sake of conversation, to bring that story up, it could cause embarrassment and discomfort for a number or reasons.

The first issue that this could cause, might be feelings of resentment. By not telling your spouse first, they may resent that fact that you told someone else before them. Your spouse is supposed to be the number one person in your life, you should be comfortable enough with them that you can tell them anything.

The second issue in my opinion that this might cause, is a lack of trust. Your spouse may feel that since you did not trust them enough to talk to them first, then maybe there are things about their own past that they may now feel they cannot trust you with.

Another issue that this might cause in a marriage, would be a lack of understanding. Your spouse may not understand your reason for not telling them about your past, this could very well cause them to wonder if there are other things in your past or even your present, that you are hiding from them.

It is for those reasons that I believe that a wife should tell her husband about their romantic pasts. It is important however that the wife should stress that her past is just that, her past.

By showing your partner that you trust them enough to tell them anything, you will in turn be encouraging them to be open and honest about their past with you as well. The important thing to remember is that your future lies with your spouse and not the people that may have been in your past.

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