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the one's with her once we understood the root of the problem.

I expressed my concerns about feeling insecure in our relationship because his emotional ties lie with his mother. Now he has something to work on. I also freely expressed my feelings towards her. I like her, I don't know her well, my I am not comfortable with her, yet, and do not trust her emotionally. As well, I do not trust her decisions. This will be the difficult part, since she is going to be the grandmother of my child.

So this is how we have managed to deal with it.

1. Time spent with us and the baby will be at our house. This enables things to be within our ground rules.
2. We have set a safe space in our home, one where she is not allowed. This goes both ways. People he is uncomfortable with are not allowed either. ( We just so happened to designate our bedroom )
3. We cannot change people, we need to accept them for who they are.
4. Just because we are able to accept a person, flaws intact, does not mean the rules of our house will not be followed.
5. Set clear rules with one another of what you expect from other people inside of your home.
6. Work hard at establishing a relationship with her on things you are comfortable talking about.
7. Bite your tongue on many occasions. Choose your battles wisely. If it is not directly affecting or hurting you, let it go.
8. Try for the sake of your spouse.
9. Try for the sake of your children.
10. Make excellent use of your safe place.

So far this seems to work.

In-laws, for whatever reason, always seem to be more difficult than we bargained for. Remember that you married your spouse, not the family. You can always choose to stay home on an occasion, mind your manners, bite your tongue and love the person you married for who they are, not where they came from.

Learn more about this author, Kimberly Lee.
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