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An almost sure way to have an argument is to utter the words mother-in-law.

It has been six years and I still have no real relationship with my mother-in-law. It never bothered me that we had no relationship, but it did significantly affect my marital relationship. No matter the topic, it always seemed to be a sore spot. It was not until I became pregnant that I started to evaluate, at least from my perspective, both sides of this in-law relationship; or lack there of.

It took a great deal of work on my part to look at myself and my errors not only in the lack of relationship but in the arguments that came because of it.

I only hope my own story will help you through a part of yours.

We argued so much over his mother that I had to stop and ask myself what was wrong with me. Could it be that I am to blame? Could my insecurities and stubbornness be part of the reason this does not seem to work? At first, the answer was NEVER. It could not be me, after all I tried....

How many of you have told yourselves that you tried? Did you catch that word? TRIED, not am still trying. "I tried to be nice, I tried to have a conversation, i tried to be okay with the things she does and I really tried to be okay with your relationship with your mother. But how come I am always to blame, I don't see your mother trying." This was a typical beginning of an argument, until recently.

Being pregnant with his first child and the first boy brought so much more to the table to argue about. And honestly, I was just really tired of arguing. I was really tired that I allowed someone aside from us to cause arguments between us, even when they weren't there. Something had to be done. A lot of soul searching had to be accomplished so we could be happy at this really happy time in our lives.

I finally realized that the problem was half mine and half hers. I could only be responsible for my half and I have the power to fix my half. And this is what I discovered. As a mother myself, I should have realized it much sooner.

She is afraid of losing him.
I am afraid of losing him.

What it all boils down to is insecurities on both parts, but in a different way. She is afraid of losing her son to another woman, especially since he is beginning his own family. He won't possibly have as much time for her. I was afraid of the security I should be feeling from him because he is still so attached to his mother. That was the hard part to figure out. It was much easier to fix the issues between us and learn how to manage

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