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by Alex Kee

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High self-esteem as opposed a to a low one, sometimes seem to me an oversold commodity.

The problem with kids nowadays seems not in the absence but the over presence of exaggerated put on self esteem.

Nonetheless, it cannot be denied that children with a genuine attribute of high self esteem have less behavioral problems than those with no or very low self-esteem.

It is however, not my intention in this article to teach parents, a time tested, comprehensive, fool proof, manual driven "How To" course on turning there low self-esteem children into hyper inflated high self-esteem superstars overnight or even over a prolonged period of time.

Parenting is nothing more than guardianship or stewardship.

No children asked to be born, the decision or the lack of it in bring them into existence is all but their choice, something common to all of us, parents and children included.

The key to smart and effective parenting is a judicious balance between guidance, empowerment and cajoling into the path of life we felt best for our precious ones without them resenting of being forced into the mold not of their choice.

The word "Parenting" conjures in my mind, the picture of the typical Middle Eastern shepherd herding and leading his beloved sheep with a rod and a cane, a balance of pushing, pulling but always with respect for the space of the individual with the paramount priority of their safety and security which the shepherd serves to protect against.

My two cent advise tips on raising children with high self-esteem is simple: let them know, not just by your words but supported yours words with your walk that they are loved by you.

Let them internalize in them that you truly love them and that you will not do anything that will harm them, their interest and their future.

Let them know that you respect them as individuals and even though relationally they are subservient to you, they are nonetheless no less a person to you.

Let them know without a shadow of doubt that you respect them as rationale beings capable of reasoning when they have a fully picture and that you are there to be their source of information should they need wise counsel.

Let them know early that they must be courageous enough to make their own decisions and take ownership of the responsibilities that accrue from their own decisions.

Assure them constantly that it is only human to make mistakes so long as they are corrected and not repeated.

If we treasure our children as ourselves and do unto them what we would want others to do unto us, we are on solid foundations and if we find ourselves to have low self-esteem, maybe the problem that persisted with us had passed on to the next generation.

In our day and age where outer appearance matter most than inner strength, a put-on boisterous high self esteem seems more valuable than a quiet, humble, steady and solid personality, a quieter person can often be mistaken for a weaker person.

Perhaps it is time we take a paradigm shift and a change in our mindset with regard to what tantamount to effective and healthy high self-esteem and what is low self-esteem dysfunction.

Ultimately, children tend to mirror parents just as a parent crab cannot expect their children to walk straight when they themselves walk sideways.

The best way to bring up children with positive attributes is to live our lives as exemplary examples for them to want to emulate.

If our children are not the way we want them to be, perhaps we ourselves are not even close to the way we want them to be?

Are we ourselves the worst and perhaps the true enemy within?

Learn more about this author, Alex Kee.

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